I am feeling really low tonight. It doesn't help that the one person that I thought would always be there for me isn't. He was supposed to be there for me through thick and thin but he wasn't. He was the one person that would never stab me in the back but he did. He was supposed to be the one to lift me up when I was down not be the one to make me feel lower tham I've ever been. I had alone time tonight and I wasted it in self loathing and drinking. I shouldn't have done either I know but I'm supposed to have ups and downs right? Why are the downs so much lower than the good days? Why do I feel wrong when I smile or laugh? Why do I feel like I'm a terrible person when someone asks me how I'm doing I say good but I know I am anything but good. I wish I was stronger than this. And in good days I am strong and I am good but on my bad days I have the worst thoughts and feelings. I am tired of feeling like this. I hate that one person has the power to make me feel like this. What did I do to deserve this life?
This seems to be accurate for many of us. You didn't do anything wrong and no, you don't deserve the betrayal from the one person you trusted.
I recently had a beloved family mbr come from out of nowhere and make our relationship backward and cancelled with barely any explanation or concern on her part. She tore threw my heart bc we grew up together experiencing so much -I thought she understood.
I recently had a supervsr single me out and harass me, obviously trying to make me quit. It wasn't evn an important kind of place...not a serious career-type position. But he decided he was going to bully until he could destroy the confidence and make me doubt myself.
There is nothing we can do to fix people who choose to become cruel azzhls. i never understood how it seemed that those ppl ended up rewarded while honest, regulars like me...got the short end and zero gratitude even while making THEM look good...wth??!
I don't know if the Universe has a way of forcing us to have things happen which force us to leave or move on faster than we normally would have. If youre anything like me, we tend to try whatever we can to FIX the problem (as we sacrifice our sanity) for as long as it takes.
Did some force out there say...'enough girl, it's time to shut this down' ?
@Littlesis7 yes this is very frustrating but I have been focusing on myself and it’s been working it for me. I’ve been doing better at work, I stopped loosing weight and I feel like I’m going in the right direction. I just needed to stop focusing everything on him and focusing on me.
We sometimes learn that how we grew up affects our relationships as adults. If we are constantly struggling to create healthy relationships perhaps it’s a pattern that began with a toxic family, early trauma.... honestly, it is not healthy to be totally dependent on one person for all of our emotional needs. Plus, if that person set us up just to tear us down like narcissists often do, again we may have some type of unhealthy history with narcissists abusing/manipulating us. Do we deserve abuse? Heck no. But now we need to begin our recovery with mental health support and education.
Take back your power. The reality is only you have the power to decide whether or not you are going to continue to let his choices make you miserable or not. I know it’s hard not to ruminate on the betrayal, and that what he did is a devastating ego blow. Unfortunately people make horrible, selfish choices in a moment that hurt those they love. You can choose to rise above his choices and pursue a life with or without him filled with your own choices, that fulfill you. You are not his choices.
@devastatedinptbo Thank you this really with me. I do need to take my power back and make my own choices. I have been focusing on me and my kids and everything has been going a lot better in my life. I’m able to focus at work, I stopped loosing so much weight. I’m definitely going in the right direction.
Did you two ever have the knock down drag out? You know the one where you tell him EXACTLY how he made you feel? The one where you make him tell you the real reason why, not the simple platitudes of “I wasn’t thinking, I was drinking, I was addicted, I was immature”. Bullshit. It’s simple. They are extremely ATTRACTED to the person they cheat with. Almost irresistibly. Then they think that person is the one, the scheme for how to get out of the relationship with you. Ever notice they actually have the sheer nerve to get angry art you when you catch them? I did feel somewhat better when I made her understand how hateful her behavior was. How badly it hurt me. Somewhat better.
@JackL82 That’s what I don’t get he wasn’t physically attracted to her. He liked her for her personality, they just clicked. He says to this day how embarrassed he is about her. And after reflecting he should be embarrassed because she’s isn’t attractive inside or out. She’s a nasty person and at her age she should have grown up by now and should know better not to be ruining people’s families. But it seems like breaking families is her thing. She broke her own family and God knows how many others. I hope she realizes with all the negative and nastiness she’s put out to the world karma’s going to come back at her so much worse. The bad karma’s already been coming back in my husband.
She will never realize that. These people live off others grief. Karma will be hers in the end tho. I just hope you don’t get stuck in anger and the feelings of low self worth that cheating brings about. I’m having a tough time with that right now and it’s been 37 years. Hang tough. Try to look forward. Bury that past. Sometimes you jus have to push that memory down. But make sure you got everything out and said and vlear before you choke it off. I pushed it down from they day I found out about it. Finally confronted her. She gave me some bullshit about them getting married. I laughed. Told her to call him up. Get this marriage thing moving. She cried and actually crawled over to me. She never has really warmed up to me. I mean we are best of friends. I don’t think she has been attracted to me since him. Mi think she now just is concerned about me not tossing her out. Mi can’t do that and told her that. But she never had a reason that made any sense other than she had a huge infatuation with him, loved him for awhile. Sucks. Don’t get lost in hate and anger please.
@JackL82 I have gotten everything out and said everything I wanted/needed to say. I was angry and upset. I was comparing myself to her and I’m not doing that because it’s not worth it. She’s not worth it. I am working on myself and I am loving who I am becoming. Life is too short to be angry and upset. My grandfather past recently and if it has taught me anything it’s that tomorrow isn’t promised. So I’m not going to leave anything unsaid or have any regrets. I’m going to live my life and be the best person I can be and who ever wants to be in my life will be and whoever doesn’t their loss. I’ve lost too much these past few years…I’m not loosing myself too.