I am trapped in a relationship with an emotional abusive Narcissist. Every passing day I feel more crushed and unable to do anything. I am just...powerless.
1 Heart
I know the feeling. They are so predictable with the abusive once you figure out who they really are and the issues/ insecurities that they are dealing with...I didn't start truly drinking weekly until I met the narc who I had a 2 year relationship with. Ironically, he then blamed me for the drinking and crying too much which was due to his freaking abuse. You may feel powerless, but you are not powerless. I wish I had more words to say to make you feel better...trying to pick myself up as well in this difficult process.
I wish you all strenght and courage to come out of what you are going through. It is terrible. All this pain, and feelings are overwellming. I do not drink, but I do smoke weed to help me with my feelings. I see no way out so soon for me, unless I just leave all behind. Wich is what I am now considering doing.
Everything may seem hopeless now, but I promise things will get better. I understand all too well the utter hell and insanity of a narcissistic relationship. Just a couple of years ago, I too felt trapped and completely alone, with no way out and nowhere to turn. Since the only outside help offered was antidepressants, a route I was not willing to go down, I decided I had to help myself. I started reading all the self help books/blogs I could find and discovered my spiritual side. I began meditating and taking long walks in nature, which really gave me time to reflect and see things from another perspective. Learning about the "Law of Attraction" taught me that by focussing on negativity, I was attracting more of it into my life. I needed to find a constructive way to release all my pain, so I began teaching myself guitar. Any time I felt low, I would pick it up and play. I'm now writing my own songs, so good things really can come out of a bad situation! The hardest part of leaving was maintaining a strict no contact rule, but it was imperative for my recovery. Time alone led me to develop a deep appreciation for myself that I hadn't experienced before. This felt infinitely better than desperately seeking it from the narcissist, so I finally stayed away for good. Despite it being one of the darkest points in my life, I remain grateful, as had I not experienced such utter despair, I would not have begun this amazing journey of self discovery. "A destroyed self is not a doomed reality, it is the 'breakdown' leading to a 'breakthrough'."
@EN1GMA
Thank you very much for the time and dedication you took on your post. Those were very kind words, and much in need.
That is the path I want to lead, thought I still can’t make it. I read so much too, trying to cope with the desperate need to get out and still having to be here, making it trough the day. I induldge in drugs to smother my thougs and feelings, so these steps are harder to make. I feel that I can’t make it unless I stop smoking, but I can’t stop smoking because I can’t take it anymore. This is my state , it is all too overwhelming, I am lost and petrified.
This is the life I am needing now. Daily emotional abuse. Married to a charmer who tells everyone what they want to hear. But then attacks them behind their back. Hate my home, my company (which he now works for) and my family. Threatened to destroy my company. His exwife is speaking publicly talking about the abuse she endured for 33 years. I feel helpless.
I am sorry to read about your pain. You will make it trough this, has will I, though we don't see a way out yet. Sending my love and support to you.
1 Heart
@SophieStormborn Thank you so much for your support! <3