I Blame myself

I blame myself…

For what? -SG

1 Heart

Been dealing with depression, aggression, and violent dreams. Inner dialog wants me to return back so we could do it all over again. I question what is saint still, and it tells me. Saint is too eliminate basically everything that is wrong. Eliminate is to be the animal inside. I had alot of restraints on it the last time. I have been wondering if I did the right decision? Under the circumstances, yes but i feel that i was wrong. Whatever happened afterwards would mean immediate deadends because I’m living life on the border of right and wrong. Everybody else would see the wrong person who was doing it for the right reasons. I don’t have regret, (“this isn’t regret”) but i am sad because it could have been handled differently that is all. (“From the person themselves perhaps”)

If i was met with this same scenario again, what should I do? It’s the same outcome as before. But i have to walk away from it. Otherwise i will get a disorderly conduct, job lost, and not including possible restraints with more anger issues :expressionless: dealing with the animal inside. The animal was a jerk, and when users on here said so, i agreed internally too.

And i am trying to cause myself to return back now? I would probably go to Hawaii if i had to punch a wall again and i can never break the rules. If i break one, i break them all. So i can not change. People do not change their ways. Blah last sentence is a hairball which i don’t liken