My freshman year in High School I turned to hurting myself to take my mind off of the emotional stress I was under. I continued to cut myself until my best friends turned me in and my school forced me to stop. I struggled controlling my urges and occasionally slipped up, but never told anyone. I graduated last June and I now attend college. Again I have a lot of stress on me to succeed and do well and with the change of pace are the urges worse then ever. Except this time I do not have anyone who knows to stop me, or any consequences from the school.
Pain recently became not enough and i turned to pills to numb the pressure. i know it is wrong, but I don't know how to stop or what steps to take. The need for pain is just so pressing. Often I wonder whether anyone would even care if I decided to end my life.
I cannot turn to my family and I don't have any close friends near to help me. I am really at a loss of how to proceed when I feel so helpless.
photophanatic - PLEASE go talk to a doctor or counselor. I know many schools have resources on campus and will provide medical care or therapy. you need to talk through why you are doing this and they will be able to work with you to overcome this and teach you with how to deal with stress in a better way. please please please see someone so you don’t hurt yourself. it will be the best thing for you, you have so much to look forward to in these years. stay strong!