Hey guys,I just can't seem to motivate myself. I don't want to exercise. All I want to do is stay in my room, eat and cry and that is just so sad.
I do this to myself everytime. I want to be well, but then i push it away and get stuck in this rut of eat eat eat. i've come to identify that i really need the food to block out the pain.
I had to go out today and I would have done anything not to. And what's worse, i've started to night time eat too. My mother has been great, my therapist is great, why am I letting myself down so much...I've such a good opportunity here but I keep letting it slide...keep letting my life slip by.
Its like I've been handed a golden opportunity to get well but don't know how. It's so frustrating to know that I am standing in my own way. Ah sorry, just venting...hopefully therapy tomorrow will help, although with all the eating I've done, I haven't really felt many emotions to be honest.
Hope everyone out there getting on well
Love to ye all x
We all know the feeling & the weight that hits when the realizations set in huh. You're making such progress though w/your breakthroughs & let us know how your session goes so others can SEE how & what might be possible out there. Thinkin of you.
I too am having motivation problems. My house is a cluttered mess, I can't seem to get off the couch to exercise (which I know would improve my mood) clean, which would also make me feel calmer, or even eat. I have the opposite problem, I stop eating when depressed and I've lost 10 lbs. I can't afford to lose a whole lot more or I'll wither away! I feel for you and I sympathize!
That's so how I've been lately too :(
Sorry to hear you are feeling this way...wish I could offer advice, but I'm feeling very similiar to what you just described.
And the more I eat, the more self conscious I feel and less I want to get out, then the more depressed I get and the more I eat.
And I too am SO frustrated because I feel like I get to times where I feel like I'm doing better, and really recovery focused then I quickley slip back before I know it I am stuck eating and eating and feeling like there is no end in sight...
I'll write more in a bit, my computer is acting up...
Hey guys,
Thanks for the comments. Everything feels like such an effort and it's an effort I don't want to make even though I should. Oh why do I do this?
I am so sori ye guys are feeling like this too. 2 weeks ago I promised myself I would do anything to help myself get better and I feel like such a failure.
I eat to bury emotions...I can even feel the emotions bubbling just below the surface wanting to come up and I won't allow them because it's too painful I know this, but yet I'm trapped in it.
I'd love to say tomorrow will be a bright fantastic day...but I don't see how. I'm just hoping I don't cancel therapy at this stage. Everything even making myself better feels like a weight.
Let me know how ye guys are...think it's good to share in these situations.
Oh Moongal, I am so sorry for how you are feeling today, but please don't be hard on yourself. You have made such amazing breakthroughs and are so well on your way to being in such a wonderfully positive place. This is all so incredibly normal, sometimes when we have these breakthroughs, it's such a phenomenal moment, though can also be a lot to take on at once. Allow yourself to feel and have these moments, but try to make them farther and fewer between if possible. The sooner you can pull yourself out of these moments, the sooner you will be in such a great place. I used to get into funks that would be paralyzing to the point where I didn't see an end to it. Though, I psychologically started to train myself to do anything and everything to turn my energy around from negative to positive. I kept practicing this even when I'd get a bit depressed or down and this practice applied to my funks. These funks became really far and few between to the point where they are almost non-existent.
Try reciting 3 things that you are grateful for and 3 things that you wish for and focus on that. This always helps turn my energy around.
I know that you WILL get through this. I am here to support you and help you in any way that I can. I am praying for you and sending you lots and lots of positive energy.
Ok guys I thought I'd add a bit. I decided to go down and visit a mate who is home for a few days, we're very close, it's not like I had to do myself up, threw on a pair of jeans and hoodie and hopped in the car. Just sitting in her living room, nursing a cup of tea made me feel a little better.
Although I tried explaining about the whole ED thing she still doesn't quiet get it, she's trying and more importantly not judging. I think she is finally understanding that I find it very hard to believe that people like me or care for me just as me.
So that's good, I'm glad to have a friend that is trying so hard to understand. She really is fantastic.
So I think the moral of the story is, just keep talking and turning to people they can me amazing as ye are too. And ye can always come to me for help any time I hope ye all know that. I have been blessed with a good friend and I want to pass that blessing on to you, I am always here.
Wow Moongal, that is absolutely brilliant! I am so so happy for you. You are so right in that opening up to those who genuinely care for us can be the greatest support. Sometimes it takes a while for them to truly understand the depths of what's going on, but once they get it, they are there through and through. All so positive for you, you are well on your way! Go Moongal go!
Thanks Puppy,
I'm still feeling questionable. And i know there are feelings bursting to get through I'm just eating them down as much as possible, but right now they are brimming at the surface...so I'm going to have to get off the eating rollercoaster and just start feeling again...as much as that hurts.
Hope the plans for your holidays are going well. I've booked a holiday, for October, over to visit my sister and friend, it's ages away yet, but it's something...to London...not all that far away but sure I might do the whole tacky site seeing tour while I'm there...ha ha...Tower of London, Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, Piccadily Circus...sure why not being an annoying tourist for a while.
I'm sorry if I posted in the wrong forum; I just joined today I didn't read the top correctly, I thought I was posting in depression, didn't realize it was depression/binge eating. I bury my feelings in plenty of other unhealthy ways. Anyway, sorry about that....
Oh you see they call go to different ones...I put this in...depression, BED, eating disorder and stress...because of the people this topic can influence, don't be ever sorry for offering a helping hand.
See it in your eyes, welcome to Support Groups and thank you so much for being here. I comment/support in various areas, and I believe that we can provide support to others letting them know that they are not alone and sending them many well wishes. Just knowing that people support me, whether or not they are directly going through the same thing, means the world to me.
Yes, a lot of us suffer from multiple afflictions... It's common for people with eating disorders to also suffer from depression, anxiety, and even OCD. I have the first three of that list. ;0) We can all relate to each other in some way. :) I think it's great to offer support and empathy to others, even if it's just geared towards the depression piece. ♥
Moongal, I foget... Are you on antidepressants? I struggled with feeling as you do for so many years. I wish I had gone for prescription help long ago... I feel like I lost a lot of years to my depression. I still have it, but it no longer holds me hostage. :) That's a great feeling! ♥
Hey Jen,
Ya I'm on anti-depressants, over the last week my dosage had been up-d and I was finding that particularly difficult too,as it was making me so tired. And all I wanted to do was nothing basically, but now that feeling seems to be passing thank God. And today I woke up a lot happier.
I still have much work to do on myself with my therapist as my self esteem is well below zero. The only way to describe it is that i feel I've lost part of myself and I keep trying to fill that hole with food, just not to feel the pain.
So this week again I know I am going to have to again confront the pain, which is tough but it will be worth it.
Ah-- Medication adjustments take time to stabilize, but they do so in time. :) I'm glad you're starting to feel better with that. ♥
I know what you mean about feeling like you've lost part of yourself. I use those words to describe myself often, too... Just remember that "losing" oneself doesn't mean you're lost forever... You can rediscover yourself. You're doing the hard work now. You'll get there. ♥