I have been a caregiver for the last 5 years to my husband with Hodgkins Lymphoma. One year ago he went through a bone marrow transplant with numerous complications. He is finally in remission (for the 4th time) and able to start living like a normal human being :) YAH The stress from the past 5 years is starting to take its tole on me. We are in debt from all the medical bills and I am working 3 jobs to try to keep up. He does not feel ready to go back to work yet and I don't blame him after all he has been through! I am unable to talk to him though about finances or anything I am stressed over without him freaking out as he is unable to cope with any stress life brings (don't blame him after all he has been through). I guess I am just wondering if anyone is having or has been through any similar problems with finances or coping with a spouses recovery. I use to be able to talk with him about these problems but since the cancer I don't have any support or anyone to talk to.
@Steph123 good evening and welcome to the group :) I am glad that you found a man whom you love very much and I applaud you for standing by him in his time of need. 5 years!! I can't imagine exactly what it was like, but I think of hospital visits, consultations, waiting time, treatments, home care, discussions, sleepless nights, fatigue etc... I am glad that now he is finally in remission :) and so sorry you can't talk to him about the money part. Well, I take care of my parents and the money issue drove me into anxiety and depression for a short while and I even considered selling the place we live etc. My brother and I never told mom the real cost of her kidney transplants, nor will my father ever understand the exact cost of her multiple illnesses. So I turned to this wonderful support group :) I am very lucky to have found a few kind souls who listens to me, and I hope that will happen to you too. You can write to me anytime and I will listen. I'm not married but I've been a caregiver for quite a long time, and financial problems have plagued us for decades! I try to make long term plans and short term plans, as they calm me down. Then do what I can on a daily basis. Do you have any family members or go out with friends sometime? I think there are many members here who care for their spouses :)
Love and respect,
Aurora
Hi @Steph123, I absolutely understand your situation. My husband (this being our 30th year together, ever since high school) was involved in a catastrophic injury motorcycle accident about 4 years ago. I have been his sole caregiver since. Among numerous major physical injuries and complications ever since, he also suffered severe traumatic brain injury - he has severe memory loss, no short term memory, severe anxiety (3 nervous break downs last year leading up to a massive heart attack about 6 months ago), major cognitive, behavioral and impulse control issues. The medical expenses are absolutely devastating - currently being sued for over 110k in past medical bills our health insurance believes they are entitled to for reimbursement. In that accident, I lost my life as well, my best friend and my partner. there is essentially not anything I can talk to him about and cant ever let him know about any of the major ongoing stresses. other than finding this wonderful site, I have had absolutely no support system and no help. It is so incredibly difficult to watch everything I say and do to make sure I never tip him off to any of the stresses in his condition. I have looked everywhere for help but for every program I have found for his condition, he is either not old enough or not young enough. Your husband's condition definitely has many more resources, charities and benefits - I would definitely start searching for every possible program available for his condition not only in your area but also your state as well as federal. On the medical, possibly some past providers may agree to settle for much less and you may find some medications could be donated or provided at a nominal fee through a manufacturer. If you have support of family and friends, there are places that will help set up charities for donations for you - I unfortunately had none. This site is a tremendous help but you may also find an in person support group in your area and many people may be able to help you with resources. It has been one of my biggest frustrations. I hope your husband Is able to recover quickly and never have to repeat what he has gone through and same for you. please let me know if there is anything else you may want to talk more about. I can completely understand how unbearably heart wrenching to watch the most important person in your life go through such a horrible ordeal that seems never ending. caregiving is completely draining, stressful and exhausting