I hope someone can give me some insight into the following situation. I am on a volunteer committee with a guy who recently told me he has ADHD. He said it as an explanation for why he never answers my emails or the emails from the committee. He said due to his ADHD, he just "disappears" if the topic is difficult. He requested that I (and other members of the committee) use a tactic to work around the ADHD, to wit, that we should do something surprising each time to shake him out of his "disappearing". Like email him a joke, or sing him a song, or something. After that discussion, he told me that he wanted to email me about something extremely important to him. So he said, "Please, call me on it if I disappear. I will never be offended if you keep reminding me, using surprise & unusual communications." So I started sending him funny poems and jokes and other stuff. Like, "Roses are red, violets are blue, If you would write me, I'd eat my shoe!" Occasionally he'd email me back, saying, "Good work! I'll write you this weekend." I've written him these funny reminders about once a week for about 2.5 months. Every few times, he writes me back, saying, "I'll put aside time to write you this weekend." and "I'm too busy in October. I'll write you in November." And then he never writes me. I have finally decided to stop writing him, after he once again wrote me that a week ago. Can someone please explain to me how his brain works? When he promises to write, does he mean it? Does he forget that he wants to write me? Or what?
well, it's hard to answer. I know that I definitely resonate with him, tho everyone in the ADHD community is different. please do not be offended by him. I understand that interactions might be frustrating, but most ADHDs have routines, that help them cope. We always feel like we don't have time for anything, because we have to follow our exact daily routine. We also have a worse memory, so we might also just forget.
Thanks for this info! If anyone else has additional info, I'd like to hear it.
I commiserate with him on so many levels. I too forget to return emails, texts, phone calls, everything. The best way I’ve heard to describe it is having adhd is like having a thousand TV screens in front of you all playing at the same volume. It’s is nearly impossible to focus all of your attention on one screen no matter how hard you try. There are things that can make it easier and alternatively things that can make it much much harder. For instance, if one screen is playing something super interesting, the chances of it holding your attention are exponentially higher.
When he doesn’t return your emails, chances are he was on your screen and had every intention on writing you back until another screen(or screens) screamed at him so loudly he couldn’t ignore it any longer. I can’t even count the number of times I have blown someone off completely unintentionally. The worst part is that I know the negative impact this has on my relationships and how disrespectful I am being but I just can’t focus on one **** screen at a time.
I hope this helps!
@GraceChangesEverything Thanks, that is helpful. I didn’t realize how distracting it must be to have ADHD.