Got up today feeling so sick from binging last night. The large hole in my stomach that could not be surgically closed up because of it being too large, could only be covered up with surgical mesh. I'm not suppose to over load my stomach because of it. The damage to my stomach that came from Bulimia was worse than I thought. I am in so much pain right now. I used my inhaler more than I'm suppose to, but I was gasping for breath so much today from having bad lungs from the years I smoked cigarettes. I didn't know smoking was gonna do this to me. I knew it wasn't good for me, but I didn't know it would burn up and shut down parts of my lungs to where I'm gasping for breath everyday like if somebody was severely choking me.
I hope this pain goes away soon. it is impossible to know why this happened but it the path you have to take right now.
the binging i'm sure is hurting you more but there are feelings underneath that are making you want to keep hurting yourself.
i realize that when i was huritng myself it felt good for the moment but then pain started again and it just felt worse and worse. my therapist recommended my giving to others and not working on myself anymore. it seemed odd but turning to others and helping them helped me more than i could say.
just by you coming out and talking about your pain is helpful to me. there are times when my ED tells me that i can't hurt myself just one more time of purging and it will be ok but i read others and hear how much pain they are going through. i truly hope that this pain will go away both the medical and the emotional