I live with my mother, with whom technically, we get along fine. She's a good and moral person, but I have felt many times in my life she is a martyr. She has definitely suffered more than she could have ever expected; my dad cheated on her and apparently scared her enough to want to move to other states. In terms of my father, I have sparse meetings with him after my therapist suggested resuming a relationship with him.
Back to my mother. In the past, if I got angry, upset, or uncomfortable, she in turn would get angry at me to get me stop, or chastised me. Some incidents seem small, like when she and a friend of hers touched my hair because it had a distinctive style; when I showed I was not comfortable with it, she made me feel like I overreacted. More moderate cases included if I was upset, and when my mother asked about it, I reacted suspiciously and angrily. My feeling is she should have recognized there were trust issues and been constructive about it, but she in turn reacted angrily and I buried the hurt emotions deeper to protect myself. I believe she currently has a positive outlook on how I and my sister were raised; she recently said she just remembered the two of us as "kids being kids", which bothered and relieved me at the same time. She had once said that she had spoiled me and my sister and on another occasion she left us alone without explanation for an evening because she had gotten on my sister's case and I had teamed up with my sister against her.
Nowadays, I am left with fears of persecution, humiliation, or being controlled. I am employed and attend college, yet I still feel the need to keep busy so that my mother won't suddenly burst in and get mad at me for doing nothing. I still get very frustrated when she frequently offers unsolicited advice, as she has in the past. I have autism, so I feel people have a bad habit of treating me like an idiot. I still feel like regardless of whether I am dealing with work and school, if I don't do dishes the moment they can be done or don't rake the leaves, I'll be the lazy or inconsiderate one.