I have been kind of talking to a boy that I meant for two years now. He is african american and I am caucasion and at first I never wanted to be with him or get serious with him because I knew that my parents would not approve so there was really no point in it to me. Well we kept hangingout and he kept pursuing me and I was too scared to tell him the truth about my parents. Recently we had started talking about if we were ever going to be offical and let people know that we were a couple and I had to say no and he kept asking me why I felt that way but we have seriously fallen for eachother. So I finally told him that we could not be together because my parents would not approve of the relationship and I was sick of keeping it a secret from them. He understood but still really likes me and does not want things to end between us, but I am too scared to tell my parents about him! What should I do!?
Hi FishGirl, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I think that it is so beautiful that you have someone who loves and cares for you so much and vice versa. It's what most of us dream of and hope to happen. I think that if you were to help your parents understand that he is an amazing man who loves and cares for you and you feel the same way. If you can help them see how much he fulfills you and makes you happy.
It's all about opening their eyes and minds to seeing a person for who they are on the inside first. I don't want you to sacrifice your future happiness with this wonderful man without at least talking to your parents and working on their outlook.
Please keep sharing with us and let us know how you are doing.
Puppydoglvr,
Thanks for your support and encouragement! I have talked to my parents a couple of months ago about inter-racial dating because one of their friend’s son was dating an african american and my dad and their friend were talkin gabout how against it they were. So that is another reason why I am scared to bring it up to him because I already know how he feels about the situation and I tried to explain to both of them how things have changed over the years and there are a lot more inter-racial dating couples out there in the world now and its happening more and more everyday but they just didn’t really seem to try to understand, so I am not really sure how I would even approach my dad about the situation. I really am scared that I am missing out on something by not taking a chance with the boy but I also do not want to risk my relationship wtih my family…I just am really confused about everything and waht the right decision would be! but thanks for your time and post! Take Care!
Welcome FishGirl,
So glad you came to the site where you can open up about your feelings. I can only echo the statements that puppydog made. I'm a 70 year old Grammy with two older sons...I happen to be caucasian...accident of birth. I don't know how old you are...but I always felt whoever my sons loved and loved them back...and made them happy..a good union.....that would be fine with me. I never even cared if it was a same sex union/marriage. It just wouldn't have mattered.
My oldest son dated an African American girl for a while after high school. People are people....God made everyone. Do you have a good relationship with your parents otherwise? I went to a wedding not long ago...large one...held in the Methodist church in the little farm community I live in. The gal getting married was the daughter of one of the most active members in the church. The church was a sea of white faces....all except this one dear man I sat next to...he was as dark as bitter sweet chocolate. At the reception I discovered he was the uncle of the bride....her Mom's sister's husband. Not one sould batted an eye...He was just Evelyn's husband.
I have met people who are just plain prejudiced...against any one who is different...race, religion...you name it. I hope you can talk with your Mom and Dad. Do you think they would be trying to protect you from any hurt?
lv & prayers, Marilyn
Marilyn,
Thanks so much for commenting back it always feels nice to have someone support the realtionship. I do have a really healthy relationship with my parents especially my mother that is one of the reasons i am so hesitant on telling them about the boy. My mother would be supportive and not so mad about the situation its just my dad that would have an issue with it but then my mother would side with him because they are always together on things. The boy deffinetly makes me happy and I do not have a probelm at all with inter-racial relationships I'm just really scared of what my dad would possibly do. Like I attend a college fulltime but i commute and live at home so therefore I am scared that he would kick me out of the house or something drastic like that and I would not have anywhere to live..even though thats me just thinking the worst I just don't really know what to expect or what his reaction would be to the situation. It just really sucks liking someone a lot but knowing that you can't really be with them and that person knows the whole situation too but they still stick around and wait for you. Like the boy just really wants me to tell my parents but I keep coming up with an excuse or a reason why I can't. But thanks again for all your help!! Take Care!
Hi there Girl,
I have been thinking about you…and your friend…and your parents.
Is this a relationship that you feel, if you know at this point, may lead to marriage? Is he someone you enjoy more that anyone else…and want to spend all your free time with? Does he go to college with you?
I asked those quesitons trying to get a better sense of your relationship…Is your relationship something that makes you feel you are not being honest with your parents? Is it a friendship that can be nurtured? Is your friend your age?
If you “like” him and not feel you are in love…a forever thing…why the urgency to confront your parents with it. You have told him they would not understand…that is a good enough reason…since you are living at home.
I certainly am not in any way suggesting lying…or being deceptive. If you think both of you are on your way down the aisle…that is one thing. There is nothing wrong with relationships/marriage across races in my opinion nor would it bother me if you were my daughter. If the two of you are really good friends…liking each other a lot…this may not be the time to take any boyfriend home…AGAIN…no matter what his color. It does not make it important to “confess” because your parents may be prejudiced.
I hope I have helped…just trying to understand the weight of your relationship.
lv & prayers, Marilyn
FishGirl, I totally understand your fear of telling your father, but maybe ease into it by talking to him about a nice new friend that you made. This way, if you refer to him as a friend at first, it may not be as tough for your father to accept. I would love for you to just shout it from the rooftop, but I also understand the sensitivity of your respect and relationship with your father. If he can just learn to love and accept people of other races, then his life would be so much more full. Is this a more comfortable move for you?
puppydoglvr,
Thanks for all your support and advice I deffinetly appreciate it! Like I told victoria, my parents already know that I am friends with this guy and that we hangout and stuff they just think all we are is friends though! It’s weird becuase they don’t have a problem with me being friends with anyone but my dad just is totally against interacial dating! I was thinking about writing my mother a letter about the whole situation becuase I am really close to her and hten thought maybe the two of us could talk about it first and then bring it up to my dad but I haven’t really decided if I want to do that yet lol. What do you think?
i date whom i like and do not see color. love is blind. and so i have been going out with a male of a different race for almost 4 years. i do not think race matters. relationships are relationships, and people are people. there are always positives and negatives to everything and everyone that have nothing to do with color. the outside does not define who one is. you have to please yourself, not your family.
Carpediem00, I am right there with you; I have never seen color, but the person on the inside. I've dated men across varying races and backgrounds, and to me it's all about the person.
Exactly.I feel a person will be a good or bad person regardless of their skin tone. Let their words n actions speak for them not their color.
Absolutely! Yet another fantastic point, thank you!
FishGirl - i am sorry for your dilemma, i know that many parents, or people in an older generation think there are cultural differences and that people shouldn’t date other races. I agree with puppy, perhaps start introducing him as your friend. another route to take with the situation is ask your parents why they are against it. is there something about the situation that bothers them? are they worried that you will go through hard times and people may not understand your relationship? maybe talk to them so you can have that understanding them assure them about your relationship.
victoria,
Thanks for your advice. The only problem is that my parents know I am friends with him and that I hangout with him…but they think thats all it is is friends. It’s weird because they don’t have a problem with me being good friends with any race my dad just does not agree with the whole dating interacially and I think for hte most part it does have to do with his past generations and the way that he was brought up.
FishGirl, just checking in to see how you are doing, please know that we are here for you and here to support you.