My husband and I met and had our first child in high school. 7 years later got married and had 3 more children together. (He also had 2 other kids wkth 2 other women) While he treats me like a queen, he is a compulsive liar, cheater, addict. He has cheated on me since day one and ive taken him back every time. After 16 years of marriage, i told him if he cheated again it was over.
I prayed that if he wasn’t the one for me and would not change, remove him from my life. I found texts with another girl…a huge fight broke out and he left.
I know i prayed for what i needed, but I have never been so heartbroken in my life.
He doesn’t call to check on me or our kids. Its almost like we dont exist and he is living his best life.
I need to move on and find happiness.
Has anyone else been through this? I feel so hurt and alone.
Hey! I never was married but I took back an ex and he used to be on dating apps in my presence and look at women and used to have inappropriate conversations with some of them. We brokevup for 7 months I took him back and he cheated on me. He later confessed to me about it and I was so enraged, he was on dating apps again and he was flirting with a lady then he nearly hooked up with a lady in the night. I was amgry, crying and I told him I need time.
He told me
“This is why I didnt want to tell you because you will be hurt”
The last straw was he kept flirting with other women and putting them over me abd lying about it. It has been stressing me out, making me sick and currently we have been distant since he is going through stuff and I try to be there but he doesnt text first.
I either was raging, super upset over him for months but now I wrote it down and realised my relationship was emotionally abusive and I am looking for help and a way to exit because I realised I dont deserve this. It is LDR and I feel alone because I regret taking him back, the relationship got really, really bad and now I feel numb and I have to distance myself
Ugh…i just dont understand the dishonesty. Why be with someone just to hurt them over and over…?
As for advice Miss. I can say is please spend time on therapy, cheating is a betrayal and it causes trauma so please find a psychologist/ psyhcyatrist that can help also for your children as well to help you to cope as a family.
Spend time by yourself and heal , find things you enjoy, spend time with your beautiful children
You can watch youtube on how to overcome cheating but a professional can help. You don’t deserve this. You deserve much more than this, enjoy your time and learn to love yourself.
Exactly like these types of men act like women arent just there to be their punching bag.
I believe they have deep rooted issues that THEY need to fix with a professional but they use women as a replacement for theraphy and destroy themselves more. Now he made his choice, he does not care and you do not need to figure out the whys, it is a CHOICE to cheat. They only use this on and off dynamic to get what they wajt and be in control of the the persons emotions and have no intention to change.
Please dont blqme yourself, block him on everything and focus on yourself.
You are so right. It really does feel like my best person has died. It physically hurts. I have a constant urge to cry 24/7.
I have been talkimg to a therapist online, bjt am going to try someone new next visit as o dont think she is a good fit.
Surprisingly my girls seem ok. My older girls have no interest in talking to him right now, but the littles do. They try to call him every few days from their tablet but he rarely ever answers amd never calls them. After our fight he went a whole month without talkimg to them. Im surprised but not. Mostly disappointed and sad.
The only thing I haven’t blocked him on is text. Don’t want to give him the chance to say i won’t respond about the kids… if he ever reaches out. I’m just hurt and embarrassed.
How are you?
Thats GROSS eww. Tell your girls to block him too on the tablet. Your girls deserve someone that CARES about them as a father. He is showing he does not care, that actually has me annoyed because let me tell you if your girls because famous in the fiture/ doing well he will want to try to ‘catch up’.
Explain to your girls about it and tell them that you and them deserve the love you deserve, if anyone acts less that stellar you cut them off. Please still talk to your children and ensure your bond is healthy and strong. You can get through this with prayers , readibg the Bible, theraphy and knowing how to protect yourself.
You dont need him.
Put the texts on mute and now focus on healing.
Girl…are YOU a therapist? LMAO O appreciate you so much for responding. Sometimes it just seems like noone would get it or understand what i am going through. There is soooooo much more, i jist dont have the energy to even explain…
Im not a therapist
I have experience with this and giving advice on these types of Posts, I was doing this for a long time. My psycyatrist thinks I should get into the field but I am not sure. I am glad that I am some help to you.
I went through this multiple times and I get it really. I can say is PLEASE dont give up on yourself and you can do this without him. You can focus on your healimg and raising your girls with love and respect.
You do not need a cheater and a person that is not worthy to be around your children especially at such a young age. They dont deserve nothing of you.
I recommend the book Why Does He Do That?
That is what woke me up to realize my relationship was not okay. That book can help you, it goes in depth about the dynamic of toxic relationships and how to escape.
I realised in society it places an importance on being in a relationship when truthfully it is best to be on your own to learn who you are and enjoy life on your terms in a healthy way, there is so much to see, to explore on your own and overcoming your trauma to live to the fullest.
I understand how you feel.
As for myself currently I feel numb, everything makes sense and this relationship and other stressors is making me sicker and not recover properly.
I actually was going to post about this relationship on here but I hesitated due to embarassment and scared he will find my posts. The stress is causing my body to flare up so I am taking space off him. I muted his texts for now but everything hints to me its time to end it.
I did so much in our relationship , I feel horrible that I took him back because if I had to do a post on what he did to me on here everyone would be appaled at what I tollerated. It is that bad. I figured it is not worth it suffering when someone does not care and I know I deserve better so I will greive for the loss of this relationship and take my time on getting better without him.
Just from our brief interaction, i think you should consider it too. Idk if it calming to tell my feelings to an outsider or if what you said has really calmed me that much. I have been in a depressed, anxious slump all day, but chatting with you has helped.
I always thought my path was therapy because im a listener but my career took me in a different path.
Think about it!!
Sounds familiar. Do you all habe kids together? Is he cheatimg with people from work or jist randoms?
I am glad I was able to help, that makes me feel happy.
I will think about it, it’s just honestly I was hesitating because I have other things I want to do and I felt fearful due to not wanting to be emotionally exploited or physically hurt in that field of work.
No. It is a long distance relationship.
No we dont have any children.
It was just random women such as ladies on Tinder or if he did business or wants help emotionally and hookers. He used to be texting them in secret until he told me. He said he forgot he cheated on me until I asked.
I wanted to see him in reality but so much happened that it is not going, honestly I am not sure I want to see him anymore.
I would say cut your losses while you can. The younger me would tell me the same thing! We put up with and forgive too much blatant disrespect. There is someone out there that will not disregard you like that.
Thanks for letting me onow. He texted me today after I avoided him for a week and I only wished him Happy New Year.
I think I will tell him I want some space.
I tried telling hin to get theraphy and he needs help he said he would when times are better
but right now I think it is best if we go our own way or as friends. He is letting his past ruin his future and he has unresolved trauma.
I felt nothing when he texted me. Hw took a day to text me and said he didnt hear from me and didnt know what to think. I dont know? You text to see if Im okay??
Honestly I know I need to let him go. I feel so dumb right now for putting up with his behaviour and I feel so upset as well because I am not sure if I should truat him again. When I love someone I love hard, i gave him everything but the way he treated me when ai was sick and when I used to be depressed revolts me. He says sorry so many times but he also put me in harms way to not stopping people from exploiting me or meeting toxic or weird people.
He also refused to take any advice of mine, leave me for other people and come back wgen they treat him like shit.
I also got accused by him for things that arent true
He accused me of cheating, liking others, not telling him things and he would get mad if other guys were arround or I had to do business. He thinks all men want to f me or want me when frankly he is the one that flirts with many women or act too friendly.
I know he is getting really paranoid after things he PUT HIMSELF through and ignored my advice that could help him and no he doesnt tell me how he feels and he assumes I am like everyone else when I gave him… everything emotionally and I was genuinely loving him but it is like he just doesnt see it and keeps hurting me
That sounds very familiar. My husband is the same way, but will not seek help. Hurt people hurt people.
I talked to him on the phone and I told him how I felt he said he will get help. I hesitated saying I love you back. I only will judge by his actions from now on. Because I do not know what to believe.
Literaly my heart was hurting as I spoke to him , I feel too scared to believe anything he says. He kept saying sorry and he knows I am a good person.
I asked him 'Why do you hurt me?" He did not answer. I nearly cried but I kept my composure. I felt nothing just disapointed.
He KNOWS what I did for him and I am too good for him and he choose to hurt me, I will take space from him. I cannot believe this.
If a man knows he is messes up or traumatized, he should seek therapy and heal.
I am glad I spoke to you about this situation as well. I felt too ashamed to talk about it here but thanks to you I got clarity on what to do.
This relationahip caused me so much trauma and I will need to talk about it with someone.
At this point after so much happened between the men in my life and I will take time to heal from it all. I feel myself not wanting to fall in love again and protect my heart. I feel emotionally drained and tired of it all.