I don’t know how to do this, I can handle it most days but I just can’t. I need someone in my life to talk to about all this but I have no one. I have tried with my parents and that majorly backfired. I am not allowed/able to talk to anyone else in my family, and I don’t have any friends that I feel comfortable confiding in. I really really need someone please.
5 Hearts
How can I help you dear?
2 Hearts
I just don’t know how to handle all this, it is just too much. I tried I tried so hard to do what my parents said and talk to them but then I overheard something they said and now I know without a doubt I can’t trust them, and then something happened tonight and I just feel like I am losing my mind. There is way too much context to put in a public chat and I can’t talk to anyone in my life who knows my family because that will make things so much worse.
1 Heart
I can try, 
but do not write long paragraphs. I get really discouraged on my phone reading from my small phone. =) 
1 Heart
Step 1: Don’t trust your parents
Step 2: what do you feel that will benefit YOU?
STEP 3: FOLLOW through with it
Step 4: evaluate your goals as it changes =)
There is no right or wrong answer. Nothing getting done will take it’s toll on you. You should follow through with your needs
3 Hearts
I am going through something similar.
From what you have stated it sounds like they just want control over you. Putting it simply they will never care. The more you try to connect they see it as a way to manipulate you.
Try to find hobbies to do, sonething you like, find out by asking yourself what do you want to do outside of your parents and who am i without my parents control, what do you like? What do you want in life? The last step is finding a part time job or a job if you still live with your parents to have income outside of your parents.
Please try these steps day by day, take it easy daily , you can detach emotionally from them by doing these things and talking to others on this site.
Truthfully NO ONE has the right to feel entitled to your yes YOUR life.
The best way is to cut them off, please do not tell them about you leaving either. Make sure you save up, dont talk about what you do and when the time comes move out.
I hope my way of texting does not make you uncomfortable but I have to put it this way because I know how you feel I was tgere before and saying as it is should help to motivate you.
1 Heart
Step 1: Don’t trust your parents
Step 2: what do you feel that will benefit YOU?
STEP 3: FOLLOW through with it
Step 4: evaluate your goals as it changes =)
There is no right or wrong answer. Nothing getting done will take it’s toll on you. You should follow through with your needs
1 Heart
What do you mean when you say, “I am not allowed/able to talk to anyone else in my family”? How are you being prevented from doing that?
1 Heart
Say whatever you need to say. I’ll listen with my ears, my soul, and my experience.
1 Heart
I mean that what has happened to me is complicated and within my family, my parents have been very clear that they don’t want it to be everyones business, and I don’t want to cause more problems and don’t really have anyone in my life I can trust with this stuff.
1 Heart
Did this work for you? I am already working on some of these things, but it is just hard, because there still my family you know?
1 Heart
It is working for me. It took me a long time but finally I got it mentally and I started to rebuild my confidence and self esteen by decentering the toxic people in my life and focusing on myself and figuring out my needs and wants.
I used to sound like you years ago. I was in DEEP mentally, i was lying to myself about their behaviour, making excuses and in denial for my whole life until I really had a huge wakeup call and I had to get a grasp on my reality and I work on getting out conciously and making a way to be in a safe space away from my parents.
Despite being “family” if they act that way towards you, it shows how they really feel. I can assure you if someone can wake up and go to sleep without thinking twice about their actions to hurt you, your life will be better off without them. Currently your mind is going through cognitive dissonance. It is normal because your reality and what you expect of them is not meshing so you feel confused hence the mental distress.
I can tell you care about them but due to them not showing you what you think and expect they deserve, you are trying to give them another chance and HOPE they will change due to societial expectations on family.
News flash “family” is people that care truly and show you love for you, it is a. Genuine feeling. Love is not hurt, lie , manipulate, cheat, steal or put you in mental or physical distress the patter is toxic.
What I will tell you will help to stop the cognitive disonance day by day.
Think about it really ponder on it sir/ ma’m ask yourself “Does my parent respect me?” , “What were the times they made me feel unwanted/ unloved?” “Did they ever shift blame on me when they were wrong or blamed me for their actions?” Any other memories that resurfwce write it down.
Note any memories, significant events down and this will remind you of those times. When you have it on paper this will help to put your mind at ease.
Now ask yourself “What do I deserve?” “What do I want to do outside of my parents?” And the above questions I gave earlier in my previous reply and write it down. Those answers, moving out, acheving your goals and dreams is your new focus and motivation because YOU matter.
You can also check on Youtube for videos about people that go through the same thing with toxic parents as well as going no contact with them and what motivated them to leave. This will be really helpful because you are not alone in going through this issue.
Theraphy helps when it comes to dealing with trauma you experienced from a trained psychyatrist/ psychologist.
(You need to find someone that truly gets parental abuse/ dynamics of toxic families because many people are unaware about that and spotting dysfunction in families). (Take your time when searching for someone it will take some time and when you have the funds after you move out you can try it)
I get how you feel truly, currently it feels hard because of all of these unrealistic expectations throught life we pedastalize the idea of ‘family’ and you want that but it is being unfufilled. You deserve better sir/ ma’m you really do so please take my advice.
When you do these things , take it day by day and start to find who you are outside of your family, it will be easier.
Please do this for yourself, beibg with toxic people or people that clearly make you feel miserable only causes you stress and unfufillment. I know you can do it. I am only saying this because I do not like seeing people go through what I once went through. Now there are countless outlets on Youtube and the internet compared to my day on how to get out that you can utilize. Good luck in your journey.
2 Hearts
Well said, not all advice a person can give will benfit, but I appreciate much of what you wrote to help another in need.
1 Heart
Define your need to be involved with your parents. Write it down on paper. Define your actual independence. Define your ability to separate and live elsewhere. [Car, money, job, your age and gender, anything else.] Review this data and write down what is actually stopping you walking out the door and never returning. If you are in a civilized country, phone any of the hundreds of help services and talk to them. If you and your family are in prison, serve your time and then walk away. I, like you have association problems in my home. Things have degenerated to the point of just driving away with my gear and setting up else where. I’ve considered what my adult children will need, maybe, what my wife will need maybe and my fears about what I imagine is the big bad world, maybe. I need to help myself here, so thanks for putting me in the picture with your problems and you will work it out.
1 Heart
… blah … me test no offense delete
I noticed that the dymamic of toxic family is a silent epidemic that is not spoken about, no one deserves to be disrespected or feel sad because of people who should care and protect their own flesh and blood do the opposite.
I hope that whoever reads my advice it can be useful and they never give up. That is truly what I want, to help others throught these times.
From my observation society does not know how to deal with situations like this and the mis understanding and invalidation it can get frustrating especially if the person knows something is not right and want to get genuine help.
1 Heart
Hi you can chat to me either on here on my mobile or email I would like to help if I can? I’m a very open honest person.
I realize it has been about 5 years since you brought these upsetting situations to this forum. I just wanted to ask how you are doing now if you’re around?
Hi I think you might have me confused with someone else, I haven’t been on this sight for five years or any time line even close to that.
I am here for you. Please don’t feel alone, I know that’s easy to say. If you contact me I will give you my cell and you can call or text me anytime.
My email is [email protected]
I feel so bad for what you have to deal with and endure.
I really hope to hear from you.