I spoke to two General Practitioners last week, both say I'm doing well... coping with my son's words and actions... Setting up Boundaries... my first one being, no more saying nasty things to me... when I am willing to talk with my son again, I'm thinking a few months so he can think about how to relate to me... then my next project will be my next Boundary will be for him to stop judging my facial expressions and body language...told them that I was chatting with a support group and watching videos by Dr. Ramani... I'm doing well now... Thanks everyone! Hugs from Canada!!
Well done @DizzyMom2022
I heard a saying "we teach people how to treat us" and that is so true when setting boundaries.
I had to do this with my sister when after years of trying to negotiate with her about the ways she spoke to me, I issued her a warning and when that didn't work, I finally went no contact and blocked her. It was very, very difficult but eventually I took the opportunity to reconnect with her after telling her I would NEVER tolerate her raising her voice or swearing at me again and it worked!! We have been back in contact for about 2 years now and she is polite to me as I am to her!!
@preciousgirl Thank you for your post… It encourages me… this is the message I sent to my son today… I will call you on 1 condition… no more criticism of me… friendly talks… I will call you later today… this was after he posted this… I love you very much MOM dont ever think i dont xoxo hugs and kisses always…I have incoming calls right now call if you want ok xo… This message came in a couple of days ago… I missed his message until yesterday… so I waited to think of how I would word my boundary setting to this morning… I decided to keep it brief but direct… maybe I’m a beggar for punishment but hope I can save our relationship ties… I’ll let you folks know how my story goes…
This is amazing. I'm certainly not great at boundaries, I'm still a work in progress, but this certainly is a great inspiration and testimony for this community. Thank you for posting. Awesome job. I agree with @preciousgirl, too, that we teach people how to treat us....yes, we do. I didn't always do a good job of that, but I continue to strive toward better relationships and sometimes that means NO contact. Great!
Yes, I am also a work in progress as I find setting boundaries very difficult sometimes even excruciating but, in striving to have a better relationship with myself, I am inspired by the potential outcome of doing it, as opposed to the potential outcome of not.
I started off by telling my son that we could discuss friendly topics like meal planning, cooking, recipes, pet conversations, sports, weather, current news, health and how we are feeling today... to keep the conversation pleasant... that was in March though... guess I'll reannounce this to him before I get ready to talk to him again in text or on phone... and I will just say it nicely to him by text... Here's one of my last texts to him... I know you are used to taking charge and making things go your way and you take pride in that ... it's great to have that kind of savvy in certain situations... But it's not okay for you to dismiss my feelings or opinions... your recollection of events differs greatly from mine... I am willing to work on some form of relationship but I am not willing to be insulted with words anymore... it is a faulty perception of me that you have... and you must stop verbalizing it to me with negative words... I need to express to you that I love you but I am very hurt by your words and actions as of late. I really think we need time to heal from this whole situation. I don't think you realize how hurt I actually am by you... I need some time to heal from this... and that's when he said that he will simply just leave me alone... so I'm feeling better now... he did sent a nice message on Mother's Day... but I'm still taking things slow... August is my wedding anniversary so we'll see what he says to me then... time will tell...
My son is still acting out...
I read this post he made on Social Media site...
True family is fake move on gossip is evil f em i dont need the negativity they can all go f them selfs its about the ones who actually care for one another not the fake way i know who my true family is and they are the best
Told his whole family to go f themselves... I removed the swear word here tho...
He's down in the Caribbean hanging out with friends on the island there... considers his friends his true family...
Disgusted with what he said about his birth family...
I'll keep him on my social media for a few months to see what else he decides to post...
I wanted to tell him to remove the post... but he just wants to get my reaction to the post so he can argue with me again my daughter thinks and told me to just wait and see what else he has to say in the coming months to see if I ever talk to him again...
Once again I'm getting on with postive people in my life, family, friends and neighbours... enjoying life and not thinking about him at all...
Was doing good until I read this stupid post yesterday morning... but I'm over it now...
Time will tell... eh folks?
And just a minute ago… get a message on social media messenger…
Havent heard from you hope all is well take care i go to ottawa for 2 days tomorrow morning. Then back to toronto
And the drama will continue with him…
hmmm, not going to answer him…
Wait and see what happens in the coming months…
Back to enjoying life with a positive outlook…
I’m happy right now and just won’t think about the dweeb…
Time will tell…
Well Folks... I decided to call my son... Was a little apprehensive about making the call and didn't know what to talk about... but we had a nice 20 minute chat... time will tell...
@DizzyMom2022 Glad to here this.
Hello Again Folks... a week goes by now and several positive friendly phone conversations with my son... I called a few times and he called the last 3 times so we're on a roll of good conversations again... Thanks again Precious Girl for your post... it encouraged me to contact him and renew our relationship... :)
Happy Canada Day!!!
Update for you folks!!!
30+ phone calls with my son and no criticism at all...
Set up my 1 Boundary Rule - no criticism of me by him would be accepted worked...
And life will continue... happily I hope...
Thanks for sharing this with us. I am so glad to here this.
Praying that this will continue.
Happy Canada Day to you, my Canadian Friend.
July 22, 2022... GREAT NEWS!!! After about 50 phone calls, messages on chats... ZERO CRITICISMS of me from my son!!! My one Boundary WORKED!!!
Well Folks... it's happening again... on the downside...
Just wanted to let you know that I'm doing ok... hubby is on my facebook messenger and saw the crap that my son was sending and he called me right away to offer his support...
My son is not interested in any relationship with me now... it just might be for the best for me.... years of criticism from him... like I said it's personality disorder... I have just found out 2 months ago and tried to adapt to relating to him but no it didn't work out... I set one boundary for him to back in May to no longer criticize me and I would continue my relationship with him... He's just continuing with this though so it's not meant to be...
Here's an article on the web... explaining what he's suffering from... narcissim... I am involved with a few support groups online and have been getting support there from the members... so I'm coping well... no worries here for me...
Here's my last email to him...
Well, I see you just don't want to be in my life anymore...
You keep insulting me and criticizing me... for years this has gone one... and I have asked you to stop saying this crap... none of it is true... Apparently you have no faults... according to you... head games - that's what you do... and you are just like your birth father... abusive --- abuse is abuse... verbal is still abuse... you do not love someone and say the things you say to me... as such, you do not respect me and you never have... I believe you have a personality disorder... Narcissism... read below... describes you and your behaviour to a T!
This is something my daughter sent to me...
Proverbs of Solomon
10 The proverbs of Solomon:
A wise son brings joy to his father,
but a foolish son brings grief to his mother.
2 Ill-gotten treasures have no lasting value,
but righteousness delivers from death.
3 The Lord does not let the righteous go hungry,
but he thwarts the craving of the wicked.
4 Lazy hands make for poverty,
but diligent hands bring wealth.
5 He who gathers crops in summer is a prudent son,
but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.
6 Blessings crown the head of the righteous,
but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked.[a]
7 The name of the righteous is used in blessings,[b]
but the name of the wicked will rot.
8 The wise in heart accept commands,
but a chattering fool comes to ruin.
9 Whoever walks in integrity walks securely,
but whoever takes crooked paths will be found out.
10 Whoever winks maliciously causes grief,
and a chattering fool comes to ruin.
11 The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life,
but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.
12 Hatred stirs up conflict,
but love covers over all wrongs.
13 Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning,
but a rod is for the back of one who has no sense.
14 The wise store up knowledge,
but the mouth of a fool invites ruin.
15 The wealth of the rich is their fortified city,
but poverty is the ruin of the poor.
16 The wages of the righteous is life,
but the earnings of the wicked are sin and death.
17 Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life,
but whoever ignores correction leads others astray.
18 Whoever conceals hatred with lying lips
and spreads slander is a fool.
19 Sin is not ended by multiplying words,
but the prudent hold their tongues.
20 The tongue of the righteous is choice silver,
but the heart of the wicked is of little value.
21 The lips of the righteous nourish many,
but fools die for lack of sense.
22 The blessing of the Lord brings wealth,
without painful toil for it.
23 A fool finds pleasure in wicked schemes,
but a person of understanding delights in wisdom.
24 What the wicked dread will overtake them;
what the righteous desire will be granted.
25 When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone,
but the righteous stand firm forever.
26 As vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes,
so are sluggards to those who send them.
27 The fear of the Lord adds length to life,
but the years of the wicked are cut short.
28 The prospect of the righteous is joy,
but the hopes of the wicked come to nothing.
29 The way of the Lord is a refuge for the blameless,
but it is the ruin of those who do evil.
30 The righteous will never be uprooted,
but the wicked will not remain in the land.
31 From the mouth of the righteous comes the fruit of wisdom,
but a perverse tongue will be silenced.
32 The lips of the righteous know what finds favor,
but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.
Proverbs 10:6 Or righteous, / but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence
Proverbs 10:7 See Gen. 48:20.
Well Folks... September 4th... Hope everyone is having a GREAT LONG WEEKEND for the Labour Day Holiday Monday!!!
I'm doing well these days and have contacted other family members and dear friends too who are close to me to tell them what has been going on and what the future holds without the evil wicked stranger in our lives any longer...
They have all been supportive to me...I am now able to discuss this with them and am feeling a lot better these days!!! :)
I did have a few days of heartache and a few tears but that only lasted about 3 days... after that, I had no more feelings for that stranger... zero feelings... no hurt anymore, no anger, no love either... totally over this person...
Now I will focus on living my life onward with positive people... no more worrying about getting negative texts or phone calls... it is such a relief for me!!!
Hope others can get through this like me!!!
Best of wishes Everyone!!!
Been a while since I posted here… I was enjoying positivity in my life since last August 2022…
Things are getting much nicer for me after Tuesday, October 17th…
My hubby and my daughter are being nice together and with me so life is very pleasant now…
Anyhow… this is what happened recently…
My Permanent Vacation has now started PERMANENTLY from a so called Family Monster Stranger who was in my life…
I have been keeping busy as usual… Apparently this Stranger had bacon grease heating up in a frying pan and left the apartment and it caught on fire ! my poor daughter was staying with this mean stranger… her half brother… and she didn’t know what to do but a neighbour came over with salt and doused the fire out… This is the third time his kitchen has had a fire… Anyhow I am taking a very very long permanent break from any contact with my daughter’s 1/2 brother… He acted up at Thanksgiving and then on Friday October 13 evening he called me rude and ignorant on the phone say f this and f that about me… hung up on me then sent me mean , vulgar messages after that… I messaged back that what he says about me is not true… And all I said to him was please don’t say that… Then I said to him that I think we need a break from each other for a while… I told him to enjoy his path and I will enjoy my path… Of life… He is nice to his neighbours, their children and the friends in Cuba and I said to enjoy those people… Well 5am this morning I was sent an extremely rude, hurtful message from him… Disgusting and Degrading words that shouldn’t be used on women never mind a mother… He says I never had any Maternal Love for him ever… My daughter read it first and she said that I should not read it… She is going to watch how she talks with him hereafter she wants to block him but she won’t right now as he will come after her… Anyhow my hubby read the message also when I showed him it… Both my husband and my daughter hugged me on Tuesday, October 17th morning… and my close family and friends are sending me hugs and kind words to help me along… as I did read the mean messages…
But I feel so much love, kindness and respect from my family and friends who I know…
Only positivity for me from now on… yes there are bumps on the road in life but you just carry on and move forward…
Best Wishes to Everyone Else who have to deal with Narcissistic Personalities…