My ex and I shared an incredibly close bond, but it all came crashing down suddenly. We were together for four years, having started dating in high school. Before we became a couple, we were best friends for two years. Ours wasn’t the typical lovey-dovey relationship; rather, we cherished our strong friendship, spending all our time together even after we started dating.
However, there was a significant issue that plagued our relationship – his tendency to lie. Despite my belief that trust is crucial in any relationship, I found myself repeatedly forgiving him for his lies. Additionally, two years into our relationship, his strict parents, who had known me since I was ten, became a source of constant conflict. Their traditional views clashed with my outgoing personality, and they never approved of our relationship. They went to extreme lengths to sabotage us, with his father even showing up unannounced at my house and his mother guilt-tripping me about her health issues. Despite this, my boyfriend never stood up for us and continued to lie to me, which left me feeling frustrated and hurt.
Four months ago, after yet another argument where he criticized my character, he decided to end things, citing our frequent fights. Despite my efforts to avoid conflict and constantly giving him chances, he chose to walk away. It’s been four months since then, and we haven’t had any contact for a month. However, I find myself unable to stop thinking about him – every hour, every morning, and every night. It’s particularly painful to see him moving on so quickly, he is already seeing someone while I’m still struggling to let go.
I desperately want to speed up the process of moving on and forget him completely. The pain is unbearable, and holding onto hope only makes it worse. What steps can I take to find closure and heal from this heartbreak?
He’s coping, not moving on, He’s learnt to cope this way… i.e. lies etc… just solving the issue temporarily,
You should have a good routine, as in having things to do, & focus on only one mindset, when thoughts relating to him come up, “clear head” as in don’t think, doesn’t matter if the thought is negative or positive, after about a month or so,
When ur more calm, u should be able to be better & think calmly & move on…
Also, don’t go back to him, his life & him are pretty much fucked, He’s going to realize it later on & then maybe solve them,
Right now, u can literally tell him his issues, but he won’t understand them/take action to solve them, He’s on autopilot, until his plane crashes due to 100s of mistakes… he won’t solve those issues,
You, will regret wasting ur life & time, if u continue this, move on… there r other things in life that matter as well… a good mindset & a healthy life… don’t forget… don’t obsess… let go.
When someone has been in your life for a long time and you have given your love and trust to them, no matter how calm, tumultuous, or even toxic that relationship with them is/was, their presence gets imprinted on the blueprints of your life’s perception of normalcy and they become a source of comfort and familiarity to you regardless of how they actually treat you.
Unfortunately people can become habits too.
There is no easy fix to forget someone that you once loved because part of you may always love them to some extent. You guys shared a past, you had a bond, and even with all the drama the goods moment you shared may always endear him to you even just slightly. Because you will always try to convince yourself that being with him was justified from the beginning.
Now that you have seen the reality of the situation its those moments that are causing you all the pain. Heartache is the worst.
What you can do is just work on controlling how the pain is affecting you. Don’t let it disable you, but let it do what its meant to–let it change you into someone stronger and wiser. Since that relationship ended your life has been open for something better to come into it. You just aren’t seeing it that way because you are fighting the change and are grieving the loss of that relationship. It happens to the best of us.
It will pass but you have to keep working at it. Someday he will just be a guy you used to date, and you will look at your life and go “Wow was I settling” because you may find someone who is so right for you that this guy will just look like a chump by comparison.
I agree with that completely! I have been feeling so alone since the break up. I always wanted to marry my high school sweetheart and my best friend. I have the fear that I’ll never connect with anyone else the way I did with him. Last 2 years of my relationship I was so close to him that I totally gave up on everything else. Gave up on friends and just life outside the two of us. I just don’t know where to start, I feel lost and just don’t think I’ll ever find someone.
I do agree that I deserve someone that could give me the same respect that I give them but it’s just hard to let go because I gave up so much for him. I went above and beyond but still ended up losing him, myself and almost everyone in my life. I feel so lost now because I have no one by my side anymore and I just don’t know where and how to begin.
I wish i cud say that u didn’t loose anything… but we both know that isn’t true… however, what i can tell u is… u will loose more… if u think that u have lost everything… don’t forget… u made those sacrifices… & before u did that, u earned them… so… u will earn new things… but it will take time…
& believe me… mind always overemphasizes or underestimates anything…
If u think u can’t build more… u r wrong… u can…
But i understand how u r feeling rn, & this understanding is sth… the brain doesn’t really understand at this moment…
So, take it slow & small steps, & u will do better… address ur grief & continue to build, so u don’t get stuck in ur grief…
As for beginning & not knowing what to do… i understand that…
& there’s No point in saying that u do know… so… do what’s obvious/small step or even absurd… self care…/the basic routine… brush, shower, sleep, eat, entertain ur self… enjoy these… take it slow & u will figure it out, what to do, as time passes.