I woke up this morning with the old song Sleep to Dream by Fiona Apple whom listened to religiously in college. Haha
In any case, it made me wonder if she was writing about a narc ex bf, because the lyrics are on point. Here they are:
"Sleep To Dream"
I tell you how I feel
But you don't care
I say tell me the truth
But you don't dare
You say love is a hell
You cannot bear
And I say gimme mine
Back and then go there
For all I care
I got my feet
On the ground
And I don't go to
Sleep to dream
You got your head
In the clouds
And you're not at
All what you seem
This mind, this body
And this voice cannot be
Stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise
I have never been
So insulted in all my life
I could swallow the seas
To wash down all this pride
First you run like a fool
Just to be at my side
And now you run like a fool
But you just run to hide
And I can't abide
I got my feet
On the ground
And I don't go
To sleep to dream
You got your head
In the clouds and
You're not at all
What you seem
This mind, this body
And this voice cannot be
Stifled by your deviant ways
So don't forget what I told you
Don't come around
I got my own hell to raise
Don't make it a big deal
Don't be so sensitive
We're not playing
A game anymore
You don't have
To be so defensive
Don't you plead me your case
Don't bother to explain
Don't even show me your face
'Cause it's a crying shame
Just go back to the rock
From under which you came
Take the sorrow you gave
And all the stakes you claim
And don't forget the blame
Interesting how the narcissist and music or songs so easily intertwine. My narcissistic wife and I have separate bedrooms because of her sensitivity to noise, movement, temperature or anything else you can imagine. This is fine with me and my room is upstairs and I guess you can call it my man cave. From my room is a door going out on the deck and it’s a rainy night which is awesome because of the tin roof. It’s been a stormy night and I had the door open but awoke early and a song came to my mind also. Hallelujah which was written in the 60’s by Leonard Cohen. There are many different versions of this song, Pentatonix recently having a hit with it. So I put on my headphones and listened to their version but afterwards stumbled across a version I had never heard before. Knowing I have to be quite (narcissistic wife below) I wrote down the lyrics and grabbed my guitar playing ever so quietly that I barely could hear it myself while whispering the words to the song. Then the door opens and as you might guess, session over!!! I haven’t been on here in a long time but pulled the sight up needing confirmation that I’m not the only one dealing with people like her. I like writing and recording songs and a narcissist provides excellent songwriting inspiration. Problem for me is my “ man cave” isn’t soundproof lol. Maybe I should build a addition to the garage for a soundproof studio.
Good Morning @countrytime interesting how you are willing to go so far to not incite her wrath that you are willing to build yourself a house outside of your home instead of facing the truth, she is a narcissist and the relationship needs to be reassessed. Do you stay together because of family obligations, finances…we understand sometimes divorce is not an option, but you shouldn’t have to close yourself up so tight and quietly that you disappear, that is not good for your overall mental health-you are telling yourself, in a way, you don’t have a right to exist. Let us know how you are doing today and how we can best support you. -SG
Long story I guess. We’re been together 17 years. I have to say recent years are much better. We do things together but most things I do that are enjoyable I do with others or by myself. Been through a lot the past two years with her dad dying over a year ago. In the process of taking care of his estate. We go to church and I enjoy serving in various ways there.
Well, as long as you find joy in the relationship I am happy for you, just don’t stay out of pity. Does church and those in the church help support you?
We have attended church there almost 5 years. She puts on her best behavior there so if anyone suspects there are ever issues I’m not aware of it. But I have tremendous support from the members there. As she also does but she doesn’t get involved with the ladies groups, she has a little but backed away.
Church is something I could discuss at length. Not being preachy but my journey. Not that I want to post it but in a private conversation. Nothing negative as far as church or God just me walking away from God in 2005, not God turning away from me. And how now I understand better those issues from back then.
I’m a very positive person. I hate negativity even though I’m surrounded by much negativity I try to focus on better things.
My narcissist dad was great at acting amazing in public, especially in places of worship. It is all an act for everyone else. I am glad you find support at your church and her attending as well hasn’t tainted the experience.
My church family are awesome and I am very humbled realizing how unimportant the things are that we give most of our attention to on a daily basis. Not that we should not focus on those things such as jobs, homes, hobbies, ect. But how helping others and having the right attitude while doing it is very rewarding. With my wife everything seems to touch a nerve and even though it still bothers me I can handle it better now. But your earlier comment about me giving up my space gave me something to think about. And I agree with what you said. I love music and once in my life I could grab a guitar and play, practice or compose not thinking twice about it and no one complained. Not that way now and I could be defiant and go ahead and do it and I sometimes do just that but there’s little enjoyment or creativity because in the back of my mind I know at any moment she will pop in complaining. But it probably wouldn’t be any different if I had a soundproof area in the garage would it.
Your comment is very interesting. You are looking at it from the outside and telling me I need to reassess the relationship. And rightly so, I would probably say the same thing to someone else. And you ask what keeps me from walking away. I’ve really thought about that many times. I could maybe answer in different ways or give different answers but this is probably the biggest reason I haven’t walked away. My home. I have lived here 40 years, 25 before she came into my life. I’ve lived in this county all my life. My first wife and I bought this old home very early in our marriage and I’ve put my heart into this place. It’s beautiful, secluded, close to a river and lake where I love to fish. I can get on my bicycle and often ride for miles without meeting a vehicle. It’s 4 acres and most of the property around it is government land that will never be developed. I have worked so hard on this place doing most of it myself and I never thought about living anywhere else. I’ve traveled a lot in this country but especially now that I’m retired it could be like being on vacation every day. But it isn’t!
That is a very valid reason to stay, this is your home and you aren’t willing to walk away from it. It is the place where you feel at peace and safe. So maybe building a separate space for yourself is the best option. Many narcissists are unwilling to do counseling of any kind, but has this ever been discussed?
Does your church have a music ministry, could you play there or practice? Maybe a tiny home could be your sanctuary of sorts away from her, but still on the property.
