I'm at fault

First off im sorry if this is the wrong group. I feel horrible. Ive had a bad habitual cheating habit that i want to correct. Recently separated from a 8 year relationship due to my habit. I know why i do it, lack of attention and affection from my now ex partner. I want to fix myself and be a better person. I feel lost, like part of me is gone and nothing is right in the world. I love her, so why can’t i do whats right?

1 Heart

have you ever talked with a therapist about your life? tried to get down to the root cause of things? from my journey, i know that seveal things can influence us and cause issues in our lives, past trauma, low self esteem, resentment toward others are just a few of the examples that i have dealt with, along with my upbringing, My parents had lots to do with my learning of things and how they were expressed in my adult life, I am working to correct my understanding of them now

Part of it has to do with you not receiving any love and care from your ex-partner, which is basically not for you to blame onto yourself, but mainly that person seemed to not value you enough. Cheating isn’t ethical either. Why did you choose to participate in an affair?

The simplified answer a therapist gave me once was the combination of emotional neglect as a child and the ptsd from being sexually molested by my aunt at a young age made me hyper sexual and that was my go to “feel better” solution. When i didnt recieve the minimal amount of affection i found it elsewhere in the wrong format.

She would attribute her lack thereof to things early in our relationship. Such as when my father passed i didnt want any interaction with anyone at all for a few weeks. Said i abandoned her. Which made her feel disposable.

I’m a little confused. Can you please tell me more?

So when my father passed i cut everyone off. i was a wreck and didnt want to lash out on anyone. She took that personal. Another example was when she got upset that i had to start traveling for work and being gone for 2 weeks at a time. She said she felt abandoned.

those two examples are the two biggest differences in her attitude towards me. Less interested in me, always a bad attitude towards me to where i felt like i had to walk on eggshells and watch what i say or she would be more mad and lash out verbally towards me. I broke. And needed comfort and found it outside of the relationship and then repeated doing so. Before i had talked to her about my needs, explained to her that i felt the way i just described, and it would get better for a week at most and then go right back to the same old behavior. And i would resist my urge to look elsewhere for a long time until i would break again.