I'm new here and I just feel really destructive and upset. I'm a Sophomore in college and everyday I suffer from a high anxiety, depressive, BPD episode and I honestly don't know what to do anymore. It's literally every morning, usually triggered by a nightmare, and it unables me to go to class at all. My professors are out of free cards to give me and I lost my entire friend group to this stupid disorder, my roommates kicked me out, and my boyfriend keeps consistently telling me that "he can't do this anymore" every time I come out of a really bad episode. I've been in the hospital this semester, where I finally got diagnosed, but my insurance crapped out on me and I had to leave early before I could get any semblance of treatment. My life is falling apart around me and I feel like it's harder to live everyday. I just really want to die and I want the world to just disappear. I don't have hope anymore. College was supposed to be my ticket out of an abusive and broken family situation, and I feel like I just put myself right back in one. I'm too tired to try anymore and I'm out of options, I don't know what to do.
go to your university counseling service. Your tuition pays for it
HI kitalinda and welcome to the BPD group. Ck has a good idea with your university counseling service. It is worth looking into. I am glad you found us!
Hon, know how you feel! I am in a abusive family situation and I have health problems that are making it hard for me to work or go back to college. I so desperately want to go back to college so I can move out of here. It's very hard, I know
So sorry you are in such distress right now! Hope you will feel a little better soon. In case the school counselor falls through, and you can't find a therapist or group, as last resort perhaps you can do Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) on your own. DBT is often recommended for BPD. . Google DBT, free worksheets, books, etc. I hope things start looking up a bit soon.
Yeah, my school counseling kind of fell through. Ours isn't covered through tuition which really sucks, it's actually an additional fee which would be doable if I didn't have to quit my job earlier this semester. Thank you so much! I have the DBT Workbook, but I feel so depressed I don't even want to put in the effort and I don't know how to help fix that. Thank you guys so much though, this means a lot to me.
Kitalinda, I admire that you're trying to push through all your anxiety and depression to get the help you need. Sorry the school counseling isn't free. BUMMER! So great that you have the DBT Workbook. Totally understandable that you're too depressed to work on it. Would another suggestion be too obnoxious? Here it is: are you on meds? Can you see a doctor? A good doctor will prescribe the right meds to take the edge off the anxiety and depression. (When I was falling apart, anti-anxiety meds and anti-depressants totally saved me. That and therapy). Or maybe you're on meds already? Or maybe you can't afford meds?