Hi. I'm new here. I've been married 12 years. Have two little boys, one is special needs. Two nights ago, after going out to dinner, my spouse became argumentative on the way home. He told me I have no friends, no one likes me, I'm not very smart, and not very attractive. Then he said that I was a piece of s**t, and he wants me out of his life. After I went inside and smiled for the babysitter, I went upstairs. He came upstairs a few minutes later, threw a piece of paper at me, and said that this is his lawyer's name and number, call him with any questions. He hasn't spoken to me since. I've been heartbroken -- this blindsided me. Not the easiest marriage (mostly because of our one son) but ok. He carried on like nothing has happened. It kills me to see him watching tv and laughing while I am crying my eyes out.
Turns out the name/number of the lawyer was fake. I did see a therapist today, and talked to a close friend. I'm too scared to ask him outright what his intentions are. Do I go ahead like there is a divorce? Even if he just did this to be mean, don't think I can live like this -- waiting for the other shoe to drop. Suddenly I don't feel the same about him. The big issue is our son. He is finally making progress, and I can't bear the thought of how he will react with the upheaval. I am so upset. I can't stop crying. I'm not eating. I'm barely sleeping. How do I feel better? What do I do now?
Welcome to SupportGroups.com, would be wise to check out some options just so you empower yourself & not focus on the negative thats being projected onto you. I'm so sorry you were treated this way as noone deserves that. I admire you for seeking a therapist for talking this through with & may be helpful to keep some things to yourself if HE is indeed seeking other options & one day when you feel better you may want to look through some of this just for your own well being & safety:
http://www.divorceinfo.com/
We're here to talke with if & when you feel like it.
Hi Lucy,
I am sorry for the pain you must be going through. I agree with April it wouldnt hurt to check out some options just so you are a little more prepared.
It was a great Idea for you to seek a therapist, he/she can listen to you and give you a professional input on things. And we will be more the glad to talk to you here.
April is right, noone should be treated the way you were treated you deserve much better. Keep your chin up and smile dont let him get the best of you !
If you need to talk I am more the happy to talk with you. I hope I have helped in some small way.
Best of luck
Shadow
I'm so sorry for what you’re dealing with. I feel your pain and frustration. I've been there too. Like you, I'm new to this group. I've been lurking for some time, and finally decided to join.
You mentioned you didn’t have the easiest marriage due in part to one of your children. Is he special needs? The reason I ask, I am in a similar situation. Children with special needs can really take a toll on any marriage. I found with my husband, we never really talked about how it impacted him. In the heat of an argument it came out that he felt he had done something wrong to cause my son to be the way he is. It was a big moment in our relationship, as he never really shared his feelings. His way of dealing with things was to either hide in his work, or lash out.
You mention his comment blind-sided you, which suggests perhaps you thought things were ok? It sounds like he may be dealing with a number of issues behind the scene, and you became the whipping post. Could the comments he made be a reflection of how he feels about himself?
He gave you a fake name/number of a lawyer. Yes, that is childish and cruel, but I think it also sends a message. He doesn’t want a divorce. If there is still love and caring between the two of you, perhaps you can make it work?
I am so sorry for the amount of pain you are feeling. It is hard to know how your husband could behave how he has. I have been though a very similar situation, except I made the final decision to leave. Once I figured out how I could survive financially, I just did my best for the kids (including the child that was special needs in my home). It was NEVER easy, but at least setting yourself up with a list of options and possible budget, would prepare you for the worst. I pray for your family's future. I hope that whatever happens, someday your heart can heal. No one deserves to feel this alone in the world.