I'm new to the group. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for 10 years and I'm 1 year out. We have 2 little kids together and coparenting makes healing very challenging. Over the course of our relationship, I isolated myself so much, out of shame, depression, and feeling unworthy of my friends. Now I desperately want to build my self-confidence and break some of those walls down so I can form real connections again. Thanks to binging, I am uncomfortable in my own skin and just want to disappear into my couch with a large pizza at the end of an exhausting day. Food is always there, its so satisfying, and it doesn't judge me. In fact, eating is the only thing that makes me feel better about the fact that I have completely given up on myself. Its so depressing, and it feels like an endless cycle that there is no way out of. Would love to know what your triggers are, and how you cope with them (or don't).
Hi queenie... Im new to this group as well. I can relate to everything you are saying... and I can tell you what has helped me..but that doesn't mean it will help anyone else. I have found that the key to getting healthy and feeling good in your own skin all starts with your head and not what is going in your mouth. Pick ONE thing and see it through to completion. Doesn't matter what it is... finishing laundry, dusting the living room, taking down all the pictures and dusting them... whatever... One step leads to others... when the sense of accomplishment is there the rest comes. Its hard!!! it may seem trite or oversimplified, but even the most menial things can lead to big accomplishments... if we can tackle something we hate and finish it, then by George we can tackle everything else. Quit being ashamed of yourself because that is holding you back. Be proud of yourself for finishing something you started... and go from there. Know in your heart that you have started making positive changes and its going to be a long ride, and you will fall off... but you will get back on and keep plugging away until you reach your goal!! :)
Thank you Edith! I needed to hear those words tonight. I agree with you that small steps in the right direction get you moving, and I am going to try to do something, anything to takes steps in the right direction. Loving myself, and being compassionate enough toward myself to start putting myself on my list of priorities is the key for me. Thanks your advice, and for listening! <3
Thank you for reaching out and sharing what you have been going through! I am sorry that you endured such a hard and abusive relationship. That is not something that you deserved. I want you to know that how he treated you was NOT your fault. I know we often look for things we could have changed or blame ourselves, but his actions/words are on him, not you! I also understand all the guilt and shame that would come from leading a life like that for so long! I"m so glad that you have gotten away from that situation! As for the binging, it's normal for people to want to cover up and numb those deep painful feelings. It's nature for many of us. Allowing ourselves to feel our feelings is not easy, but it is what we need to do to allow ourselves to heal! Our emotions and our thoughts are at the root of our actions. Once we can confront them, the actions will change and we will learn new ways to cope! I want you to know you are strong. No matter what you have been told, you are strong. You are courageous. You got out of a bad situation. Many women don't, but you did! You may not have had much control over you life for the last few years, but you do now. You get to choose how you are going to live and how you are going to deal with this. Living in fear and shame is often the easiest route, but it will keep us exactly where we are. When we can choose courage and confidence, even though it is difficult, it empowers us! You deserve so much better. You are worthy and you are valuable. I don't know how much of that you have heard over the years, but I want you to know that now! You have value just for who you are, not for any other reason and you have so much to offer this world! Don't let fear and shame rob you of a better life! One of my favorite songs to listen to when I am in a really bad place is "Fear is a Liar" by Zach Williams. Continue to reach out to those around you. Support is so needed. When we isolate yourselves, the negative thoughts will run rampant and talk us out of taking back control of our lives. Therapy is also essential in the process of healing. Please go talk to a professional therapist or a lay counselor at a church. I can also give you a phone number to call. It is absolutely free and they would love to hear your story and put you in contact with resources in your area who may be able to help as well. There is never any judgment from these counselors. Let me know if you would like that number! You will get through this! Hold on to hope! Wishing you the best!
@agse01 thank you for taking the time to write such a kind and thoughtful response. I definitely needed to hear those words, and it means a lot to know that I am not alone. I will come back to your comment and re read it to remind myself that I am worthy and capable of overcoming my struggles. Thank you 