I'm not good. Idk how fast somebody can reply some advice to

I'm not good. Idk how fast somebody can reply some advice to my situation. So,

my primary dr writes me 120 120mg oxycodones a month. I been on opiates since 1993 due to two failed surgeries, car accidents, etc, and they of course want to try more surgeries. Anyways here's my problem. I called my dr yesterday and left a message with the nurse, on her voice mail, that I was having a problem with my pain med, that I felt my tolerance was increasing. I been abusing it horribly to the point that my arms are covered in needle tracks! So, when they tried to schedule me for tomorrow, I said I couldn't make it and the receptionist rescheduled me for the following Thursday. . Well, they just called back and said they need to see me tomorrow since I mentioned I had an issue with my rx. I'm having a bad anxiety attack right now due to not knowing if I should go and lay all my cards on the table. I will REGARDLESS. But, since they know I am a chronic pain patient, and I straight up asked my dr for a referral to see a pain management dr, he said, NO! WTF?

@Darrel1111 just read your post,I’ve been off due to a coupe surgeries,how are things going? Well I hope,hugs from nm