I'm so fucked

My life is so fucked up, the suicide prevention line hung up on me. What the fuck do I do now?

why in the heck did they do that?

I don’t know. I was in the middle the pathetic story of my life and she just want away and there was on-hold music. I waited a little while and she didn’t come back. Maybe it was so unbelievable she thought it was a prank. You know, must days I don’t believe it either.

Sorry for the typos, I’m having a little trouble seeing my phone right now.

could have been a glitch in the system

Here’s a poem for today. I’ve been trying to record my feelings, this was this morning.

I lie still, like the morning. My body aches, my mind wanders. Happier times compete with the darker. The comforting thoughts of suicide creep in like a drug dealer promising relief. No, not today,I shrug it off and get up.

ah sorry you’re feeling that way. its not nice. i sometimes feel really alone too. alot of the time actually.

Thanks, it helps so much to know someone cares. Actually today is much better than most. I’m managing, I’m staying in control. If you need to talk to someone reach out to me, I’ll listen.

yes. im lonely most days.

im glad you are doing better today

I am feeling lonely alot and i am in a new town and don’t have any friends. I tried to join a church but i am divorced and they gave me a bad time. I feel so hopeless right now.

please let me know if you are there. I need someone to talk to about how overwhelmed i feel and how u don’t know how to get better.

I’m here. The worst time for me is the morning, the terror of having to survive a new day… I try to meet people but they have their own lives. I’m trying to work on myself and be happy with who I am. I started yoga and that helps with the severe anxiety I’m trying to cope with. I also started writing poetry to express my feelings. I was never like this, always shy and afraid to connect with people, afraid of rejection. If you want someone to talk to, reach out, I’m not perfect, but I do care.

Welcome to the site @Justme4, we are so sorry that when you went to a new church they were unwelcoming, maybe look on line for a church who is truly open and welcoming to everyone (as all places of worship should be). Moving is hard, being new is hard, but try to find a few spots that feel welcoming, maybe a gym and coffee shop to start. Begin a new routine, find a few connections. It is so hard to start again, but we have confidence that you will do amazing. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. -SG

We are so sorry that you are suffering so much right now, but the things you are incorporating into your day to help with your anxiety are such wonderful steps in the right direction. Have you ever tried a weighted blanket or if a whole blanket seems overwhelming, they sell weighted chest snuggies (basically weighted stuffed animals), that might help with the anxiety in the morning. You can even use something weighted when you are in shavasana at the end of your yoga practice. -SG

I hope it was a bad connection! How are you doing today, are you okay?