Right around President’s day last year (2023), my life started taking yet another dive. First, my kitty cat of over 16 years dies a horrible death, then I get one of the worst rejections I’ve ever gotten. I’m not looking for pity, just understanding. None of what has happened was a result of my doing since I’m always trying to better myself. And believe me, I’m a full-on veteran of both death and rejection. They had just happened so close in time that everything seemed to pile up all at once. Honestly, since then I’ve been really lost. I can’t get another cat yet because I will be forced to move here in the next couple of months. And on top of just always having been 50 full levels of lost when it comes to reading social situations, that last rejection made even trying to find relationship or even close female friends kind of unbearable for a while.
And it’s not about “finding myself” or “learning to live alone.” Been there done that. Am a pro many times over at it. Love myself and all that. Still doesn’t invalidate wanting someone close.
Relationships are so tricky because we only really know how we think and feel and not what someone else does, and often its hard to determine if someone is being seriously interested or just trying to be polite.
I have been with this guy who is my best friend for 9-years and he has never been in love with me and so I get rejected pretty frequently. It used to bother me more earlier on in our friendship, but now I get it. I am not everyone’s cup of tea and we can’t make someone love us if they just don’t.
The problem us single people have is that its so hard to meet people that we connect with and that connect with us. Its usually one or the other. Guys hit on me all the time but I have no interest in them, and that’s hard to navigate because I really hate disappointing people. I try very hard to remember that attraction either exists from the get go or it doesn’t. Its no fault of the other person if it doesn’t. We all just have certain criteria that we are looking for and sometimes we don’t even know it until we find it.
The point is, hang in there and keep looking. Every day is a new day and its a new opportunity to meet new people you never know when it might happen.
1 Heart
I appreciate the words of understanding. Unfortunately, I think I have it a little more difficult than most because I highly suspect myself to be autistic. It’s the ONLY thing that makes any sense since my lack of social abilities is SO FAR off from the rest of my abilities (as well as many other possible behaviors). And I’m not trying to “one up” or “yeah, but…” I’m only trying to say that if the person speaking to me has not experienced this amount of rejection/frequency of rejection/rejection for no obvious reason/“blind sided” rejection/etc…, they don’t tend to grasp the severity. I’m not saying you don’t. I’m just throwing this out there since moving forward, trying, improving, doing my best is just the normal - yet with the same amount of gut-wrenching rejection no matter what I seem to learn or how I seem to improve.
The other things I’ve noticed personally (as it may not happen for everyone) is that I can become attracted to someone over time (as in not from the get-go). It’s happened many times before. Granted, I’m not saying personality or physical appearance are “all or nothing” with me. I’m just saying that with me, one can influence the other to an extent. I find even that is used against me. It’s like if I’m not all-in 100% from the beginning, or that if I’m friends first, then my interest in a relationship is somehow not genuine because it’s not how it started. Things like this is why I cannot navigate hints or body language. I know what I’ve studied, but nothing is obvious to me unless it’s “grab you by the collar and literally say it directly to your face” obvious. And importantly, i say that VERY LITERALLY.