I've had BED for so so long, and sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse, but in the past few years, it's gotten worse and worse. I am coming out of a divorce and only have my 2 boys 50%, and when I'm not with them, the loneliness is at times just unbearable, and binge eating feels like the only way to numb myself and distract myself from everything else. Then of course I end up panicked and full of self loathing. I've never felt worse about myself (physically), and yet I can't motivate to really try to stop binge eating or get more physical activity. I just feel sad and lonely and hopeless. I miss my sons. Even though I bought a new house this past summer, I don't feel like I have a home. I'm just rootless. I need a full-time family. Every time they go back to their dad's on a Sunday night, I feel like I'm at such loose ends. I binged tonight and I just can't take myself anymore. I just need to feel like there's someone I can talk to about this stuff. And the funny thing is that I have a therapist, and that's helpful, but the experience of binge eating is just so specific and these moments are just so intense and hard to explain, and I wish I just had someone to give me a hug. This is all so hard. I want to feel loved and sometimes I feel like my eating disorder will prevent that from ever happening.
@agensed I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can imagine how painful that would be. I really empathize with your need to have a hug because I feel the same way. I was just struggling through these emotions this weekend. And as much as it hurts to go through this pain, when we do we are forced to go inside ourselves to find our inner strength that we don’t know is there until we need it. It’s In these dark times when we find that inner strength.
I could suggest a simple Strategy that might help you refocus.
That would be to write a gratitude list.
I will do this in my mind to remind myself it’s OK.
Thinking about what you have instead of what you don’t.
Like repainting the same picture with different colors that are bright and positive.
I have had a lot of practice in my life being forced to adapt to uncomfortable situations. I would much rather have an easier life. LOL…
But recently I have had some awareness during times of self reflection that all these times of being uncomfortable and having to adapt has made me a stronger person. I’m more independent. I’m not scared to do things on my own. That can be a blessing and it is just a matter of how you look at it. But I know that it still hurts. It sucks.
Sometimes sleep is the best option.
Thanks for sharing.
@LollyNews Thank you so much for your extremely kind response. Reading it made me feel so supported and understood. I’ve heard about making gratitude lists and I’ve done it a little bit. I know I’m so lucky in lots of ways and that going through this divorce really has helped me to become more independent and even self-confident about my ability to do a lot of things that I didn’t do before. Do you feel like your loneliness and painful feeling sneak up on you out of nowhere, or are they at predictable times? Do you have anyone in in your personal life who you talk to when you’re feeling back? At times I feel like I’m burdening or worrying people, or I just feel embarrassed. Thank you again. I really appreciate it.
@agensed, this breaks my heart. I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever. I have dealt with BED also and it is a deep hole. The good news is, its possible to overcome...with lots of work. I am here and am happy to help any way I can, even if its just ;listen. I would be happy to help you find resources as well. You are not alone. BIG BIG hugs!! I am praying for you.
@APOR2017 I wrote this to LollyNews in response to her post also, but your response means so much to me… both of your responses kind of bring tears to my eyes, but in a good way, like I’m just super touched. I always find it reassuring when I hear that people overcome BED. It’s so easy to just start bingeing instead of just sitting with the feelings. I’ve had a bunch of therapists who I’ve worked with over the years, and sometimes I feel unsure of what to do, like do I try to set up a rigid eating schedule and record my meals, or do I try the more intuitive eating approach. Have you tried either or both? Has any one tool or approach helped you? Again, your empathy is just amazing. Knowing there are people out there who understand is really helpful. And thank you for the hugs!