Grrrrr why why WHY? So far I've gone a day and a half without relapsing, which has made me unbelievably happy, but these **** urges are killing me. What's just adding to the silliness of this situation is that I'm giving more importance to how long a stretch of time I can go without relapsing, instead of the more important thing: the fact that I'm working on those habitual, seemingly unbreakable reasons WHY I even have an eating disorder in the first place.
I mean, I'm so early in recovery; of COURSE I'm going to get urges.
And also it doesn't help my current frustration with myself that I was up all night with my longtime friend-just-(last night)-turned boyfriend, AND I'm stressing about some things I have to do tomorrow, AND I decided to try and quit smoking...yeeeah, typing all this makes me see how humorous this kinda is...but anyway!
Man, I just need to get it out; I feel like roaring like a lioness or going at a punching bag or listening to some speed metal or something. So anyway, the point of this post is my coming to the realization:
I have no idea how to give myself a break. Seriously!
I'd absolutely love to hear how anyone else cuts themselves a break, or just any thoughts at all, thanks you guys <3
Hi Kristen, what you are going through is totally the norm when in the early phase of recovery. It's definitely what I went through. So, it's important to power through the urges, as hard as it may be, to continually remind yourself that this is all about HEALTH GAIN, plain and simple. If you have a purpose and a reason, then it will help you continually push through these moments. As well, it's good to find positive activities that you can start to put in place of the urges. Think of things that make you happy and that are a positive replacement, that always helped me a ton.
I am so happy to hear about your long-time friend turning into a boyfriend, that's so great. You have so many wonderful things in your life, it's all about looking ahead and staying on this really positive and strong path that you are on.
I am also just starting my recovery and am struggling with urges to binge. I have found that rather than trying to see how long I can go without binging and then congratulating myself it is easier for me to try and get through one urge to binge at a time or a particular time/situation where I would normally binge and give myself a pat on the back. When you look at how many times a day you pushed through those urges it is much more rewarding then how many days. Even if I have a binge at one point in the day then at another time that same day resist the urge to binge again, I count that as a success!
How is quitting smoking going? Have you had one?
I quit 4 weeks ago, and it's really hard. REALLY hard. I chew the nicotine gum sometimes, and that helps when I have a bad craving. I wrote a list of positive/negative things about smoking, and that really helps me when I choose to look at it. Which is not very often- but I have managed to stay quit. You can do it.
I try to keep myself busy, and away from substances when I want to nurture the parts of me that need the most attention (the small child inside, the hungry little girl, the one who craves attention and love).
You know, I LOVE spring rolls. You know, those things you get at thai restaurants? They have lettuce and tofu, or shrimp- those are really good to have. Sometimes I will treat myself to a meal out, but just have those and I feel really good after. I like to ride my bike, go for a walk, or play my guitar. Do you like art? I paint too. Painting is good. Keeping my hands distracted is good- knitting and crocheting. Mmmmm that reminds me, I want to go to the craft store.
These are things I like to do, but haven't been doing.
I've been drinking, wallowing, laying, sleeping, crying, and over-thinking everything.
Soon I will be out of the mess, and be able to nurture the child in me that needs my love. Until then, I will encourage myself by continuing to write on here.
I know there will be light eventually.
Won't there be?
Kris- I can totally identify with you and those EVIL urges -- you too Laine. i think its great u recognize when u r able to make it through an almost-binge...
sometimes i feel like i'm in "recovery" and other times not. for several months i've been trying to go several days w/o bp. somedays are easier than others. right now i'm on day 2 (if i make it past dinner- i'm in a different time zone)..
its difficult b/c i've found myself rewarding the WRONG DAY.. by allowing myself to b/p on certain days after i've gone a few days without it! i'll often even buy binge food and just wait until that day.
i KNOW that's wrong.. but right now i don't know how else to handle it.. the cravings and all.