I'm twenty years old, and I'm in college. I feel like I should be able to move on, past this bulimia, but I just can't, especially lately. I've been in therapy twice, and I'm on my third therapist. I have my good days, where I can eat a few small meals here and there, even some snacks, and I can drink plenty of liquids. More so, I have bad days, where I can't keep anything good down, and I'm dehydrated, tired and miserable. I feel so guilty at myself because I know the damage I just did was not worth it at all. By the end of the day, I just want to stop hating myself, and my body. I want to stop damaging everything because the headaches, the stomachaches, depression and complete exhaustion are not worth it to me at all. Right now, I feel like I can really get a grip, and start making the progress I know I can, but I need help. I need that extra support from others who understand what I'm going through.
Hi emily....welcome! You may 'feel' and think that you should get a grip, but this is a real illness, and it requires 'medication', in a sense, and a professional who specializes in this. You can take back this aspect of your life in a healthy way, but it requires some expert guidance so that you can learn to reframe your thoughts and also change the behaviors associated with the thoughts.
You are understood here, and that is a great adjunct to therapy/treatment. Please get the help you need!! Take care...Jan ♥
This is exactly how I feel! When my mind is in a normal place I just think of how silly and ridiculous this whole situation is! I tell myself there are so many other more important things in my life that need my attention. Food, weight, and exercise shouldn't be my obsession. When I am thinking normally I see just how badly I am treating my body, and I realize just how badly I want to not have this ED in my life. But when I change mindsets.. and enter the thinking through my ED.. nothing else matters or makes sense. I am slowly figuring out how to deal with this, and I know eventually I'll be free :)
Hang on and NEVER GIVE UP!! ♥
I totally understand how you feel. I'm actually in a very similiar spot so i don't know how much support i can be. When im good, i know how bad this is and that i need help- i know what i need to eat and how much. But those days come when you loose it all, and i just cant control it. all i can say is be strong and keep trying!
Thanks everyone. I already feel a bit better just knowing there's others out there to talk to about this. Lately it has been pretty hard to keep wanting to try and get better and work against the ED, and even when I do try to talk about it to my friends or family who know, there's just that part that they fully never understand what's going through my head or anything. Signing on here today actually gave me something positive to look forward to, and that's also hard to come by lately! [:
I understand exactly what you mean with the way they don't fully understand- I feel like for a lot of people not struggling with ED, it seems so easy or basic to overcome because they just don't understand whats going on in my head with it. I'm glad you feel like you have something to look forward to w/ this site- i kind of feel the same way even if i dont post or even sign on that day, knowing the site is there makes me feel less alone with this problem. I hope you keep feeling like people understand what your going for, good luck