Hello,
I have been in a relationship with a woman for approximately 4 years. She was previously married and has two children from her ex-husband. An issue that has caused us strain is her keeping love letters, gifts, and pictures of her and her husband before her children were born. What makes this difficult for me is that early in our relationship he attempted to create problems for us so they would get back together. During a break in our relationship, she in fact got back with him. All this makes me feel as though she is keeping those items for herself, but she states they are for her daughters so they have a memory of where they came from (the relationship between her and her ex-husband before the divorce). My friends and family think she is using this as an excuse to keep them for herself, but her family sides with her. Who's right?
she is doing it for herself....where does she keep them?
She's keeping them in the garage or her daughters room. I'm not sure...
well then maybe she is doing it for them. If she had them with her stuff,then that would definitely be wrong! try and have trust enough in you two not to have negative feelings. negativity is so contagious!
I don't see how it'd be for them. What would her daughters get from seeing those items? She made a point about how she thought it was cute when my mom showed me something my dad had given her. But my parents are still together...
thats a good point....i just know that for some reason, us women like to hold onto memories...I don't really think that it is fair to you but i dont know if she is necessarily thinking like that...I'm sure I know the answer but have you talked about this with her? i know you said it was a strain in your relationship?
Yeah, we've talked about it. We can both be stubborn, she she's holding onto her belief and I am to mine. She already said she's not getting rid of them. I told her how I feel. Her family said they understand my point. Right now we're not even talking. It also bugs me that the dad is kind of a dead beat dad. He barely helps her out financially. I'm the one that has picked them up from school, helped with their homework. He barely wants to take any responsibility. So it pisses me off that this is the guy she's fighting to keep these memories of...
I know what you mean and dont you wish that SOME people would understand that: IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!!
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years as well and he has two girls, who i love as if they were mine, with not just one but 2 different women. so i dont just get the one ex i have to deal with both....
Wow, 2 exes, that must be tough. I can barely deal with one! So does he keep stuff from his past relationships for his girls?
not that i know of but he isnt the most sensitive type man, so i doubt it...we are not together as of a month ago and i hope i have the strength to move on...the funny part of this is i have become close to both his exes and it has worked in my benefit, this way i still get to see the girls....neither one of them can stand him or how he has treated me....i learned the hard way to accept the fact they were going to be part of our relationship and as hard as it was, especially after one of them keyed the hell out of my car, i put those hard feelings aside and made it work....guess who came out the loser in this one?!
Wow, it's amazing that you've been able to do that. I don't think I could. It looks like it might be time for me to move on too. Looking to find ways to do it. I live with her, and I do care about her daughters. Not only would I be leaving her but her daughters as well...
tell me about it, it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do myself....i put so much into our relationship but he didn't return the love and it became abusive and changed who i was. i cant believe i could still want to be with someone that hurt me so bad... i went and still am going through all the grieving stages, depressed, sad, angry....i got to experience every single emotion a human can have. and i had those weak moments when i would make the mistake and let him know how much i needed and missed him just for him to break me down more....in fact, it happened again tonight, to the point where he wouldn't stop until i was hysterical. dont let that become you....you have to love yourself first and do what is right for you....i know how to preach those words as we all do, but i do know the heart wants what the heart wants and no one can change that. but i will say sometimes we have to lose ourselves to find our way and i have finally tried to find my way and put myself and not him or his girls first. i know it may sound selfish but if you dont watch out for you, who will?
Yeah I've tried to leave many times. We've both said we need to move on because of the toxicity in our relationship. Maybe I keep making excuses of why I haven't left. I guess I still wanted to feel that I am that important to her, more so than some items from an ex. She always made a point that her daughters will grow up and leave her. So she'll sacrifice those items for a lifetime? Anyway, sorry you're still experiencing your struggles. I'm sure you'll fall down but its important to keep moving forward. Hopefully I can do the same. Good luck to you!
and good luck to you as well john doe....
I am strong because I know my weaknesses. I'm alive because I'm a fighter. I am wise because I've been foolish. I laugh because I've known sadness.