I’m not really doing well right now.
Part of my nervous system is going haywire.
I started my week stuck in the middle of an argument. It was maybe traumatizing to me. I’m about done giving someone chances -they keep hurting me over and over again. I feel I shouldn’t be in this type of toxic environment. The situation is complicated though. (I let this slip to someone that I trust but I shut down)
Also, an incident happened at work yesterday and it may have made me stressed/brought up memories of my trauma.
I feel bad for the person that got hurt by another person. I wish it didn’t happen to them. We have to go on and pretend that it didn’t happen. I feel like I did that a lot in life-I pretend that things didn’t happen/bother me.
I have different ways of coping with things. I like focusing on my goals/good things I can work on. Keeping occupied helps me feel better.
I have stuff to do so I really need to get back on track. I’m thinking of self-medicating to help things temporarily. I don’t know what to do permanently yet. I have to get a better job first so I can get out on my own. It’s a long process though. I finally got some categories of jobs to look for though. I’m going to keep trying-eventually I will find something that will work better for me. Hopefully I can end up in a better environment in general my life would improve so much if I could do that. The right doors will open and I have to believe that.
When someone shows you over and over who you are and you give them chances, that is just permission for them to treat you badly. They know, you know it, but you are just a really kind person hun, they don’t deserve your kindness anymore.
We are so sorry to hear that you are experiencing some pretty intense feelings and thoughts right now. We are here to listen to you and help you feel supported.