Hi, I'm new here and I am looking for people who can relate to my situation. I am 25 years old and do not know how to deal with my adult life. When I was eight years old my mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. This was 17 years ago before Breast Cancer was real publicized and we didn't know much about it. My mom got a through that first round and was in remission for a few months. She decided that she wanted reconstructive surgery, when in for a consultation and they found cancer in her leg and back. Doing this time I wasn't sure exactly what was going on but I was told a lot. I feel like I was born an adult. My mom has a twin sister and a match for a bone marrow transplant. We thought this would have solved her problems but a few months after the transplant my father dies of a heart attack. I was only 11 years old. From then on my mother was a complete wreck. She tried to be strong for me but her will just wasn't all there. From the time I was 11 till 14, I not only went to school and dealt with the traumas of your awkward teenage years, but I came home and took complete care of my mother. Being an only child I had to do everything from doing all the housework to cooking dinner to helping her to doing my homework. There towards the end her cancer spread to her liver and she was offered an alternative surgery to get rid of the cancer. She was willing to try anything at that point and this procedure would take a laser and burn the cancer off her liver. Well, it did, but at the same time caused all the other places where her cancer was dormant to become active. It ended up spreading in her spinal cord. During those last few months I had just started my freshmen year at the high school and would come straight home because it got to where my mother couldn't even walk to the bathroom without help. She ended up passing away when I was 14. From there I went to live with my aunt which was a very traumatic experience in itself because of everything I was dealing with. I did well in school, stayed out of trouble, and went to college. I ended up graduating college in the top 10% of my class, Cum Laude, at a huge university. Now I'm married and have my life some what in order. But even though I have a lot to be proud of I still can't really function with my life. I'm constantly sad, wishing my parents could have been here, I had no father to walk me down the aisle, no mother to help me with my wedding, no parents to go visit and talk to on the phone. My life even though it might appear I'm doing good on the outside, on the inside is so much pain sometimes I can't take it. Will I ever be able to handle the little things in life? I've been making several mistakes lately where I think I want one thing and then two seconds later I'm regretting it completely. I can't seem to find a job where I can fit there's always something holding me back. For those of you who have lost your parents what are some tips on how to deal with the painful anxiety I feel day after day? I saw a therapist when I was 17, and have just made another appointment to talk to someone else in about a week. Thank you for reading my story.
you could have depression/anxiety, i have a 26 year old son and he is a solider in the army. if you have a wife that is your someone who could understand you. it was a hard life you have had but there is people that have similiar story like abraham lincoln. hang in there find help with a medicne / therapist.
Life in itself is a journey and it seems that you have lived life 3 times. Your father, your mother and now your trying to understand how it's actually suppose to work. One day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time. I lost my father at a young age, and my mom, who beat the odds and survived breast cancer, thank god who is still with us. Sweetie, learn to live life "for you" learn how to appreciate "you". Get up in the morning and thank god for that day, everyday...enjoy your husband, find some girlfriends you could talk to. It's time for you to start enjoying life. We only have one shot of life. Get yourself a job and stop doubting yourself. It will keep you busy and occupied. Hang in there and ENJOY living.
hon
all of life is a mystery u have a lot to be thankfull for and the parents are only gone in the tangible not in thoughts or deed.
the other postees are right u need to live life for u, seek a quick docs check to make sure u have no medical problems or therapy and move on.
your time is here and now not back in yesterday although we all think back to what could have/should have been its a fleetin thought of regret or laughter as we move forward to embrace each new day
as always loving thoughts and positive vibes
andreagl17
HI =)
I lost my dad 3 yrs ago and it feels like yesterday. I miss him alot and I am sure u miss your parents much I thank god I still have my mom.
What you need to do is find a hobby or a job to keep you buzy. Always think that your parent would not like to see you sad. Find some friends to talk to it helps.
Look for a docs help or a professional. I know and understand how you feel I have walked in your shoes and it's hard to put a smile in your face at time but always know you are not alone we are all here. The pain heals with time.
XOXO
ANA
it is very hard, very very hard when you have lost your loved ones and i am sending you a long distance hug. but you need to change your way of thinking from 'they werent here for this' to 'they would be proud of me for doing this' if your mind stays to what could have been it will distract you to what you have. live your life knowing how proud they would have been with how well you have done in your life. and you have done great from the sound of it and i myself am proud of you so i can imagine your parents would have been busting at the seams to brag about you.
Well, I have long sob story but I will try to shorten it up. I'm 31 now. When I was 5, my parents divorced. I went through all of the issues that one goes through. Blaming myself, asking why my mother why would choose to do this to me. Basically a dismal attitude. I tried to cope by getting other to laugh, even if it was at me so I could compensate. When I was 7, I was sexually molested by our neighbors son. His mom was our baby sitter and there was one day when I was alone with him for a brief time. That really messed me up. I really don;t think that I have had a bit of confidence since and the only person I have told is my wife. When I was 9, I was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. I was told that I would die within three months. Well I didn't die but I am now reading how neurological disabilities usually occur as well as depression. I was also quite large after the ordeal and growing up with this outward appearance brought a lot of cruelty from other students. I was able to befriend some people that I was able to connect with but I was still using humor to stay a float through highschool. That made me an easy target and did not really boost my confidence. I never really had any other friends and was not able to develop any relationships with women. I began to have thoughts of suicide and eventually attempted suicide when I was 15 after my grandma died. When I was 20, the neighbor of an above mentioned friend had just moved in. She was really nice. I invited her to watch movies with us several times and finally she went on a date with me. Long story short I asked her to marry me and she did. We have two wonderful children, six year old daughter and a nearly 3 year old son.. The last couple of years have not gone so well though. My medication for depression was less effective and I began acting as though I didn;'t care. My wife was warning me of the effects on our relationship and through different anitdepressents and treatments that we tried, I still refused to see a phsyciatrist. Right now we are seperated and my life is at the worst point I have ever been. Finally I saw a phsyciatrist and he increased my anti depressant and is now treating me for ADD. I am still not able to concentrate or put things into perspective or find the reason for life. I feel like the world would be better off with out me and I could not even begin to imagine the horrors of my children living like I did when I didn;t have a father. Right now I just need to get some things out and my wife doesn't want to talk about it and I think I have annoyed my other family members enough to the point where they don't want to hear about it. Thanks for reading my story.
joey
well hon thats some story but u are in the right place cos i would like to hear the points that u would like to get out in the open and hear the words that u are saying
its hard to find a balance and the people who love u are not fed up they are as lost in being able to help u as u are helping yourself so when u want to chat here
love D
Wow that is tragic , and I'm so sorry for your losses. I know they passed when you were young. I have had relatives that passed when I was young, and although I did mourn their deaths at the time, I actually re-mourned their deaths like 10 years after the fact, as an adult, in my mid-20's. I don't know why. the thoughts of their deaths overwhelmed me, and made me so depressed, like 10 years after the fact. I would see them all in dreams and whatnot. But I have not lost a parent, so I can't say I know what it feels like. I can say, however, that I think about what it would be like everyday, and I am constantly depressed, because I know that everyone is going to die someday. And I don't know what I'd do without my parents. But keep in mind, every parent eventually dies, it's just a matter of when, and yes yours died when you were young. It's harder for you becasue you spent less time with them and never got to spend any adulthood with them. I'm sure the whole ordeal had something to do with why you're so successful though, and you went to college and got top 10%... what an accomplishment!! I know you'd trade that for your parents, but it is setting you up in your life. I never succeeded at anything, because as a teen and an adult, my parents always told me things like "You'll never be ablet o do that..." or "You're gonna end up working at McDonalds". They showed no support, never told me I was capable, etc. And many people say, "Well dont you wanna just show them up and prove you can do it?" And yes that was the case for like a year but after that it just manipulated my brain so much that I actually believed it, until I went onto my life... I still kinda struggle w/it, having no encouragement w/my family. I'm just saying that life is full of so many misfortunes and so many blessings... and maybe you have been dealt the cards with very difficult hardships, or more than most people. So I am so sorry for that. But on the other hand, you're married, you excelled in school, and you sound like your life is in order. I know it sucks not having a dad to walk you down the isle, and there are actually many females who are in the same situation. In fact, many girls never met their real dad, and possibly don't even have a step dad. Your parents are in heaven and I'm sure they have watched down on you and helped you. It is so sad thinking about, it but just think... this life is so short. I'm in my late 20's and I know that time is clicking, it always is! I know, you may say that's a depressing way to think about it, but it helps me. Becasue I am AWARE as most people are not, that my parents are going to die. I think I'm pre-mourning, I'm mourning BEFORE they pass. It's a weird situation which i never found anyone whom I can relate to on this. I just mourn it everyday as if it happens, meaning I am grateful and I do NOT take anything or anyone for granted. Plus, I'm sure that their deaths have helped you NOT take things for granted as well, and you know that things can just go away with no expectency. I believe that this life, we are just flesh, blood, bones, and soul. The flesh and blood doesn't mean much. It's the soul that's important. And so when you get to heaven someday too you will see your parents there in heaven, i'm hoping, and also i'm hoping it would be a whole new life, maybe a reunion, or maybe it would feel like they never left!! And THAT is where you would spend eternity. On Earth, you may spend 115 years here (that's the high end lol). But that's nothing compared to eternity. I know that waiting and waiting to see them again is so hard, because you're talking about another possibly 80 years or so before you can see them there.
This may sound really weird , but I actually communicate with my deceased relatives. The mourning overcomes my life, and I'm always crying. I can go in my dreams to visit them on a spiritual plane (I have to be asleep to do this) and they talk to me. One may say that it's just a dream, but it feels sooo real. I think that my soul is just open to doing that, so I let it happen. Some have never reached that spiritual plane. Have you? At least this way maybe you can communicate a little. But I was told by my deceased relative that they're not really allowed to talk back to us, it's against their "rules" and bad consequences can happen if they're caught. This is why they never really say too much to me!!
Anyway, but I'm sure it just hurts going through life, as they can't see any prospective grandkids, etc. It's very tragic for you. I miss my parents everyday, as if they're deceased or something. I cry about it everyday, cry for the day that they pass. I'ts like knowing they're here, I know they're here but they could be gone tomorrow, so I cherish the time, probably too much. So you can see the opposite end of the spectrum now, someone like me who HAS parents alive, and I'm mourning as if they're dead, because I feel like they are a mystery to me, and so unreachable. They're there physically when I see them, but not emotionally. And it hurts big time. I'm sure talking abotu this can help you, because it's kinda like takign it day by day. Make sure you stay stimulated by other means. Many people MOVE AWAY from family to go to college or whatever and never see their parents. I have a friend who did that, and sees them once per year. As long as my parents r alive I would defintiely wanna see them more than once per yr!! Some people don't take having parents as seriously as some others. They have the ability to not talk to them. Everyone's situation is different. It seems like you're so upset because of the fact that you don't know what could have been. Maybe heaven is so different, like a life al over, a wedding all over, etc. Not to say to JUST look forward to heaven. You have to look forward to tomorrow in the flesh life too, because we're probably here for a reason too. Well i'm here if you ever need someone to talk to and I hope your pain will ease some.
my mom passed away some years ago she was killed in a car crash it took me a long time to come to terms with her death my dad suffered a nervous breakdown shortly after it was a terrible period in our livesthe pain does ease think of the nice times you had