Hello all, I am new to this site and am posting here looking for some direction and help.
My girlfriend of three years and I had a big fight last week over me not helping enough around the house. It got bad enough that during the fight the subject of breaking the relationship off came up. During the course of this fight I had a breakdown. Where a number of issues came to the fore. I have had problems with depression over the years. I am going to list a couple of what I think are root causes.
First off, my mother died of a heart condition when I was young (12 years of age.) She happened to have p***ed away with me as a witness and first responder to her heart attack. I have felt extremely guilty over her p***ing through the years and I still have issues of dealing with the grief twenty years later.
My father then met the woman who was to become my step-mother, at my mother's funeral. They were living together within a few weeks of meeting and while she seemed to be supportive at first she quickly turned abusive.
Since then my life has been a series of disappointments with one major exception. I joined the Army right after high-school but was unable to complete my enlistment due to not meeting their weight requirements. For the longest time afterward I couldn't hold down a job. I tried college but only got a handful of credit hours done. Most of my adult life has been a half step above or below the poverty line.
However, around three years ago I met a wonderful lady. We have been in a solid relationship and I love her very much. But it seems like I am trying to ruin this too. We get along very well most of the time. But I always start to let things slide. We both work full time jobs but she does work longer hours and has a harder job then mine. So I am supposed to do the lion's share of the housework. But I get resentful over this and end up letting the house fall into disorder and I end up getting real resentful and difficult towards my girlfriend.
I think a good chunk of it has to do with the abuse I dealt with as an adolescent. Much of that stemmed from not doing housework up to my step-mother's standard. But it is also the depression I have had through the years. It can really creep up and bite you in the ***. Sometimes it can be so hard to motivate yourself to do anything.
I need to get through this somehow. My girlfriend has been great for me and I don't want this relationship to end. I have come further in the last few years then in the previous last couple of decades. So any help or advice would be appreciated.