Well, some time has passed and things are going all right. I did drink over my birthday weekend (my birthday was the 12th), but only low-alc drinks and kept it under control. I decided I wasn't going to drink any hard liquor and I'm not going to. I think that having a couple of drinks when celebrating is perfectly fine, I just can't use it as an escape from what hurts me anymore. THAT'S when I binge. And it's always been with hard liquor. So, no more.
When it comes to my relationship, there's definitely a big strain. My boyfriend is looking at jail time (not sure how much, but any is too much). He's feeling very destructive these days and having a really hard time. I'm just trying to be there for him and I constantly (daily) remind him that he can get through this. If other people have dealt with it, he definitely can.
One positive thing that may come from it is that his parents told him they'd help out if he decided to go back to school. There's a chance that he could be moving closer to me and going to a college nearby. He'd have to quit his job (there's a chance he'd lose it anyway if he's in jail during the week and he has his license suspended) but he would be making some changes in his life. He could potentially get a degree and maybe a better job. And since there's public transportation here, he could easily get around without a car.
It's hard to look at it as much of a positive outcome because we both had so many ideas of what things were going to be like. He was going to work on his truck, we were going to go camping, he'd stay with his job and we'd find a house to rent and figure out our future. Now that future seems to be very very different. And that's rather hard to deal with.
Unfortunately, even though I could not have foreseen what would happen (us getting pulled over and him getting into a ton of trouble), I am partially responsible. And his family (as well as him) feel that it wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my actions. It sucks, but what can you do? I'll also have to find a job (it'll be a crappy one, but I don't qualify for much else) to help him pay for some of this.
So although the future is a bit unpredictable at this point, there may be some good things that come out of it. Things are at least not quite as dismal as they were just a few short weeks ago.
See good does happen FOCUS on the GOOD & a job is a job.....
April