*maybe trigger warning* Am i making my partner depressed? I was just reflecting on my behavior towards him and the instability i have created with my outbursts and heading to the threats of breakup for even minor things.
The first time i said it, i meant it. We lived in a real bad flop house/ghetto, it was dangerous and i was sexually harassed by the landlord often, pests, theft, ect. I was so stressed i could not even function. I told my man i wanted to break up one night after we had driven home and found no parking for our broken- top- convertible, in the rain. I was so upset. I stopped outside in the alley by the house. "I cant do this anymore, I want to break up" . He started to cry and pull my hand gently. His sad coal black eyes welling with emotion, his usually cheerful face twisted with sadness, that expression is burned into my brain like a brand. We hugged in that alley for eternity in the light rain. I decided to stay and survive together.
After that night i told myself I will never threaten him with break up. BUT THEN BPD. its like i cant control myself when he upsets me or something stressful happens with us i jump to , "well maybe its better we just part ways." I have said it so many times that it now has no effect. Yet i still put that record on... he even has said in anger that maybe we should. That he is tired of my bullsh*t. And i agree it is bullsh*t because i dont mean it really. How come i cant seem to control my mouth when i get upset? Because of this pattern i am in, he is more withdrawn in games and cleaning and anything other than paying direct attention to me or what i say. He has learned to tune me out so well that he cant remember my take out order. I know this is all my doing, he even told me he gets sad or stressed when we talk. He says i project all my own nervous energy to him. I give myself great advice, though i seem to have trouble heeding my own rational thoughts.... HELP, what do you do to stop the word vomit? how do i stop using this emotionally abusive tactic on someone i love?
group, any advice here from those of you who go through this? I do ok with some issues, but not having either bipolar disorder or bpd sometimes I just feel inadequate to help, and this is one of those times
@norseduncan I can relate, thank you for even taking time to comment. I feel loved and supported. hugs
Hi @safemeadow - I saw your post from today (Jan 26th) and see you are doing better now. But you and I both know that you are doing okay until the next time. The only way I know of to stop this tactic is to slow down your responses. When you get upset it's important to find a way to soothe yourself. Remove yourself from the situation, if possible. Have you ever heard of the concept of "Opposite Action"? or "Radical Acceptance"?
@kisobel thank you so much for commenting, i have heard of radical acceptance, but i am not too familiar with what that means. and i have never heard of opposite action. to me it sounds like one means to not react and the other means to do opposite of what i first think i should do. Is that close?
I have had the same exact thing.. Although I just stopped being open with him because it made him angry. I thought I was the reason he was mad, I was not. So now I lost the one I love for not being open. But how you can stop yourself from bursting out words is a calm collected breath and speak slowly. It is okay to cry. I was never allowed to cry and it hurt more. So cry with him. Show him you are hurt and need his love. Just don't shout. I hope it gets better. And I hope I helped even a little
@kafasa18 Thank you so much, (sorry for the delay, im not sure how i missed your comment) It is such a relief to know im not alone in this symptom. Im sorry for your loss. I will try and remember to breathe and pause to help me stop from blurting out the hurtful things. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. thank you Hugs (and you definitely helped
If you take your time and just try to be mindful and focused on the situation. You may get away from the urges. Also, try to remind your self of the possibility of you saying these words and how you should beat them until your subconscious gets used to it and it will become an automatic reminder each time you feel like saying those words. I hope things get better :3
I can honestly relate to this! I do the same exact thing. I have been with my guy for two years now and we are having a baby, but being pregnant on top of bipolar is not a good mix. Anyways, I abuse him with my words too. He makes me angry and I lash out in comments to hurt him and the main one I use is break up. Almost every time I get mad. He always begs me not to leave. Sometimes I actually do but I come back. I know I love him but I can’t control my anger and outbursts. I’m still having problems even being on medication but no matter what I have said or done to him he has stayed may my side and still loves me and treats me like he does. If you have someone that accepts you or tries to hold on to them! I try to do worksheets helping with my anger, I have found that walking away from the situation helps, breathing techniques, writing it down. But sometimes I don’t realize it until it’s over so I’m still struggling but trying. I’m so sorry you have to go through these things too. I know your pain! Wish you the best
@CGatorsrock16 I so appreciate your comment. It means the world that someone can relate. Sometimes i feel like the only one with these highs and lows and lack of control. Congratulation on your baby!!! I am so having baby fever. I know i need to wait a little until we have our own flat tho. I will start journaling again. I used to all the time and it was a great outlet, until highschool and my dad read it aloud to the family, he was hurt by words i wrote in anger but never said… journeling is the best tho
From Mood Disorders to Bipolar Disorder
From Mood Disorders to Bipolar Disorder