Mentally exhausted

Hello, I wanted to ask for some advice, lately I have been feeling somewhat frustrated, sad and somewhat nostalgic since well this comes from some family problems and at the same time from a family loss, which has affected me too much and even though it is already Almost 2 years ago it affects me as if it were yesterday, it has affected me personally since it has not made me want to do what I did before in addition to affecting me academically and emotionally, and every attempt I make to improve is more desperate than the previous one and with less desire, to the point of thinking that I have done wrong, and that part of thinking that I no longer have that person discourages me and although these episodes of how I felt only appeared if at all for a short time, it has lasted longer this time, and it has been less perhaps in a way that I almost don’t cry to get out of control like other times that it has affected the way I think or, well, my attitude, many people tell me that I have lost that hunger to be better or that spark that I always had it and I have noticed it too. I would like to be back at my best moment, I had a lot of discipline, mentality, being physically well and in shape and it was less difficult for me to do things, both those I liked and those I didn’t, but I don’t know I feel As if I had depression or something similar, it should be clarified that I am 18 years old and have lost a person as close as a mother at a young age, which was at 16, but suffer from seeing how that person fades away for 2 years It is very hard and even more so when it is a mother, the truth is I don’t know what to do, I don’t have confidence with my father and my other relatives I haven’t tried to fight this part alone without bothering anyone, and at first I could but after almost 2 years I begin to see the effects and doubt if I can do it alone and which has affected me mentally which has also affected me radically in my life.

The truth is that I want to recover that mentality that I had but I feel that I am mentally ill, I will barely turn 18 and I depend on my father but I do not feel confident to ask for a psychologist or even talk to him, it has also affected me in other things but of course me but I don’t know if it’s okay for me to talk about that, ahh it’s very frustrating

I am much older than you but I lost the person that meant everything to me at 17. I watched him slowly die for 3 years while I was also trying to discover who I was. I still miss him and sometimes cry a little, but he’s always in my heart. Throughout my life I reflected on what I learned from him, directly and by watching him. You never “get over” a loss like this, but you will move on. You will embrace the changes that person brought out in you and you cherish the happy feeling they gave you.

Can you speak to your school counselor and see if they can help you find grief counseling that might be covered by your insurance? Since you are 18 you don’t have to have a parent approve therapy, but yes, I can understand you might have to run it by him for payment. Maybe you find something online for not that expensive if he gives you any leeway with a credit card.