Most of the posts in the Narcissist-group are from victims of narcissistic abuse - which is horrible beyond words.. But seeing how negatively alot of people view npd makes me scared of sharing my own experience with my own npd traits.. I grew up with a narcissistic stepdad, and Ive come to realize that I have some of those traits aswell which is probably due to my upbringing.. The core of narcissism is an inability to connect with other people - I cant tell you how horrible it is to not be able to connect with other people, I have brief moments where I can, but often times I just cant. There is so much shame, and I feel disgusts towards other peoples affections towards me - because I feel disgust towards myself. I know that many narcissistic people arent aware and don't want to become aware of this.. So my point is just.. The behavior is NOT okay, I dont have to be able to connect with other people to understand that, but as someone with NPD-traits, I know that they suffer so so so much. I dont know, I just wanted to give a perspective from the other side of the table as per say.. And this is not to invalidate the pain of the victims of npd abuse!!! Its just my experience with it-
I'm sure this took a lot of strength to post after reading through the stories in this group. I appreciate that. It is good to get other perspectives. My opinion is that the inability to connect is not the worst part. Its the lack of empathy and understanding of what the narcissist does to their victim. That is not what is coming through from your post for me. My narc wife tries to change and to understand but it always is temporary because she goes back to how she is wired. She can only joke that she is similar to her abusive narc mom, but its never about the serious things and when I point out moments that she has treated me in the exact same way that her mother treated her, and I mean specific situations and verbatium statements, she her response 90% of the time is that she had it worse because she has never hit me. I'm not trying to say that you are wrong in your self assessment, only you can make that call, but your words here are kind and do not come across as defensive or proud like they do from my wife.
@missm0lly Oh wauw, that sounds horrible… And I understand what you mean… NArcissism like anything else is a spectrum, and I think that the inability to REALLY connect is a byproduct of lack of empathy and understanding of what it does to the victim… At least its all connected somehow. Again; I am not a fullblown narcissist… But I just posted it to give a different perspective because I figured that most of the posts in this group is victim-stories. Not a lot of stories are about the shame that NPD-people experience, or the pressure to always “be right” or “be the best” that lies - which I am working on, and most people with NPD don’t want to look inside themselves to see the wounds and really deal with it - but I just wanted to share that side of the story, if that makes sense?
I think I’m in the same boat as you. My searches for “narcissism recovery” got me only victims except for your post on this site so I just joined to be able to respond. Would it be possible to start our own group?
Welcome to our site @AS.sg, it is actually very uncommon for those with narcissistic traits to even look for help, so that is why the group is for those who have been victims of abuse and trauma from a narcissist. You are welcome on the site, but you might want to look at other groups where you can work on something specific, like a relationship or mental health needs. -SG