My ex wife is basically punishing my daughter because she wants to be with me instead of her. If anyone one here doesn't know my story I married a narcissist... she was emotionally abusive, had substance problems , was a liar and a cheater. Thank god I got out... but we have kids so I'm stuck with her as a "co-parent" She is horrible with my young daughter and today she told me her mom called her a psycho and also told her she could take me to court and take her from me. My daughter was in tears telling me this and was really scared. I told her NO ONE can take her from me and not to worry. I am pretty sure my daughter would gladly choose to live solely with me but I don't know how hard that would be or if its an option. I know that will be a huge battle and take a toll on her and me. I'm trying to be patient and make sure I have enough evidence and that its truly what my daughter wants without me putting the thought in her head. I know in my heart we would all be better off if the ex was completely out of the picture. She is just the bane of my existence. I hope someone can learn from my mistakes and not go down such a long, hard and painful road.
As a narcissist I can only imagine she would be charming in a court as they can turn on the charm when called for.
@CKBlossom That’s the problem. She can tell whatever story she wants. She is not limited by the truth or any morals. She is a proven liar and manipulator which is extremely difficult to face. I’m just in a bad place with no easy way out.
So now my 18 year old son just told me that all the cash he had saved for college just dissapeared. He had it stashed in his room at her house and no one but them EVER goes in there and their doors are always locked. The culprit (100% my ex wife) took about 1500 dollars but left 100 dollars... a real crook wouldn't leave some cash behind. When he asked her about it she acted like it wasn't a big deal and said she would find it... That is beyond sus. If that happened at my house I would be freaking out if someone robbed us. He had been wondering how she was paying for all her expensive habits: weed, nicotine and god knows what else. I have been paying for her groceries so the kids have food while they are there. She refuses to get a real job so I guess stealing from her kids is now ok. My daughter just got a bunch of birthday money and at the party the ex snatched it all up and now I am sure that is gone too. This person (and I use the term loosely) is just a menace and a leech.
yeah he is leaving in less than a month. It just sucks because he loves his mom but its breaking his heart that she is lying, gaslighting and just using him. I have told him about NPD so he can learn more about it and why she does those things. I told him he needs to get away.
I think that keep excellent documentation with notes, and what your kids say, and you need to get your kids away from this lady. You need a lawyer, and pay attention to your lawyer's attitudes, and if she understands NPD abuse. Because now she's emotionally and psychologically torturibg your daughter, by threating to separate you guys, the only adult your daughter can trust. This is additionally financial abuse.
@Doodle1234 yes I am trying to gather evidence. Unfortunately it is more difficult to prove emotional abuse. Also in researching this Ive found it is more difficult for fathers to get full custody so I will have an uphill battle. She admitted to him she took his money today and said she would try to pay him back... her promises are worthless. It really sucks waiting for her to do something terrible so I can prove she is an unfit parent.
@SoloDad Thats so hard, Im sorry. you’re doing your best, I wish courts looked at what kids said instead. That eould make it so much easier, but everyone assumes kids cant understand anything. I hope that in the meantime maybe shd will let them spend mkre time with you.
**** I think you married my ex wife....
If she is on drugs you can ask the court to do a drug test, or you could call child protective services and tell them about her substance abuse. If she comes up positive for something they will immediately take her out of the household and place her with you under a safety plan. And at one of the court dates you would get temp custody and during that process would be the time to get full custody. But make sure you are ready for that step and its in the best interest of your daughter. It is a gruesome process and can put a toll on a kid. Esp if they are young and don't understand things yet.
@nellom09 So marijuana is legal in my state. So I dont know if that will help. Its more of the amount she is using which is completely ridiculous considering she doesn’t really work. She took all of my daughters birthday money too. I figured she did. I just feel sick to my stomach about all of this.
Oh, well that makes things more complicated then. All I can say is just try for full custody. I'm not sure how conservative your county is but that can be a huge factor. Regardless what you decide to do I hope it works out for the best of your daughter and good luck!
Thank you all for your thoughts and advice. While I am not a religious man if any of you could spare a prayer for my kids I would greatly appreciate it. They are innocent and don't deserve this. If there is any kind of higher power I hope for a little mercy here.
@SoloDad there is. If you need proof go to the youtube channel divine white light (distance reiki). The root topic will make it evident to you by how you feel in your body.
It would not hurt to call and report her to social services. That happened with my kids because of my ex-narcissistic wife's boyfriend. He hit my son in the leg because my son's feet were on his coat that he left on the couch. After DSS got involved, things went downhill for my ex. I thought they would easily snow the social workers, but these people (ex and bf) are not nearly as smart as they think. The DSS talk to the kids and if what you are saying is true, your kids will tell the story and be listened to. The bf is an alcoholic and a weed smoker. They did everything about as wrong as they could, refusing to get the help for the alcoholism, and essentially bucking the DSS at every turn. Long story short, about 8 months after the report, I sat in a courtroom ,a few weeks ago, and heard the judge give me full legal and physical custody of my 3 kids. I didn't even have a lawyer. This was between DSS and my ex. I don't know that things would go the same for you, but it may at least give your ex a much needed kick in the rump.
@solodad I'm sorry to hear but from what I'm seeing you're being pretty mature about it. I'm 37, divorced with 2 kids and it's not always easy co-parenting, although it sounds like your ex is way more nutzo than mine. Sounds like you're living on your own? Are you dating other women yet? I specialize in helping men become the best versions of themselves and give them the secrets to female nature/mate selection. If you're interested in chatting more, let me know.
I kinda know what it feels like from your daughters perspective. In my family i was just like her. My parents divorced when I was 3, my mom took my dad to court when I was 6 and she lost custody of me and my siblings. She almost ended her life cause we weren't around. I haven't seen her in 8 years and I won't be able to till I'm 18. But, I have an abusive stepmom and dad, so shes trying to help me out of this mess I'm living in. SO PLEASE BE SURE THIS IS WHAT YOUR DAUGHTER WANTS. PLEASE. I have had a bad childhood because she couldn't be here. I have basically been a mom to my 2 little brothers(stepmom kids) since I was 8 years old. I have been watching them for 6 years of my childhood I will never get back
@AnxietyLife09 Its so hard to deal with this. My daughter doesn’t want to stay with her mom. She refused to when I went to drop her off tonight. Of course her mom’s response was to threaten to punish her and put a guilt trip on her (wonder why she doesnt want to stay there?) I just said she could stay with me tonight. On the way home she told me she just wants to stay with me all the time. My heart is breaking every time I have to take her there against her will.
Same age I was... When my life went to ****. I trust that you will do the right things for her
I don't even know what I am supposed to do. I worry no matter what move I make my daughter will suffer. Why did your dad get custody? I am very sorry that your stuck in a bad situation. My ex wife is not a good person. She lies, cheats and steals with no remorse. I would never think about taking my daughter from her if she was a good person. It is my daughter who I am trying to protect from an evil destructive person.