My therapist suggested broadening my social life in order to

My therapist suggested broadening my social life in order to solve my loneliness,relationship, and other problems. I talked to a couple of people on Tuesday, felt like I was getting somewhere. Today, it was sh*tshow. I tried sitting down with someone, but they were doing their own thing and I didn't feel comfortable talking. So I went to the library. Tried talking to these two guys; we conversed; on the other hand, they seemed to think I was weird, it demoralized and pissed the sh*t out of me. My anger got worse when I was driving home to pick up something and I had to wait two turns for a small intersection because police had to rush by for an emergency and the morons in my lanes wouldn't move even after they were half a mile down the road. I wasn't the only one who had a problem with that. Then I couldn't find what I was looking for because the store maps were wrong and the directions an employee gave me were nonsense.
I want to give up. Screw these people. I've been dealing with them my whole life. "Oh, most people are good and decent, go talk to them, they will be nice to you." My issues have been ignored by bad people who claim to be absolute saints, who contradict themselves to their convenience and my inconvenience. Am I supposed to believe anything other than people are parasitic and evil? Don't give me logic either; logic is for people who grew up with their parents giving them everything they have wanted. Logically, I should have been fine years ago. Didn't work. I'm not ignoring my problems, I'm not sanitizing them so people can feel better about themselves.
I'm mad.

1 Heart

We are going through older posts on our site and wanted to check in our members we haven’t seen for awhile, how are you doing? How can we best support you? -SG

1 Heart

Still a mixed bag. My addiction is improving. Socializing is good but stagnant. Work is tolerable.

So glad to see you back on the site! With the warmer weather, team sports are going to start up, is that something that would be of interest to you? SG

I would, but I think I have waited too long to try for my college team. Might have to wait for fall. I did not know how to balance sports with school and a job as well. Thanks.

There are tons of just for fun sports teams. -SG

yo.
never used this before. dunno how we deal with ‘necro-posting’ here, but i hope it’s fine. also, wanna preface this by saying i hope i don’t come off as an ass.
i had a friend who was going through some really tough shit once. still is. honestly, it feels like they can never get a break. part of what made them struggle so much was that everyone they met was a total asshole. their parents. their relatives. their ‘friends’ in college. nobody treated them right. they all used her for money, all did and said some messed up stuff to her, and that only made her mental health worse than it already was. i don’t want to sound pretentious or anything, but me and our small group of friends who was tight knit with her felt like the only people that actually cared. and it pissed us all off equally that no one would treat her right.
but no matter what happened, she was always thankful for the friends that she did have. and, no, the me being an ‘ass’ part of this doesn’t come from me telling you to be grateful for what you have. i mean, maybe you could get some value out of that. I don’t know. i know from my personal experience that when i was seriously struggling there were people around me who wanted to help or could’ve and i just didn’t let them. maybe you’re there- i’m not sure. you could at least consider it, but that’s not really what i’m trying to say.
have you ever played dark souls? i hope i didn’t lose you with that, but if you haven’t, it’s a video game that is notoriously difficult and you are guaranteed to die hundreds of times and most likely get frustrated in the process. the bosses will undoubtedly kill you and make you very upset and possibly hopeless, all while saying voicelines that dishearten you and make you want to get off and never re-open the game. the really beautiful thing about it, in my opinion, is that no matter how many times the bosses beat you (or how badly), they can’t stop you. doesn’t matter how you died. you will always get back up at the last bonfire you rested at. it doesn’t matter how bad you are or how bad you think you are. anyone can kill the bosses if they are willing to put in the time. how long it takes just depends on the person and a pretty good degree of randomness. the only, ONLY way you could ever have your progress permanently impeded is if you die and put the controller down and never pick it back up again.
i do not think what you need to hear from me is “believe in yourself! you can do anything!” even though i do think it’s true, i know that won’t do anything for you. but what i want you to know is this:

the way i see it (and maybe i’m seeing it wrong), the worst way that the dicks you meet can hurt you is by making you give up entirely on people. you have had someone say this to you before- ‘not everyone is like that.’ it’s true. i don’t have an answer for everything. i don’t believe in karma or fate or gods or anything like that. i don’t know why it is that you or my friend from earlier have to deal with so much shit and can’t catch a break, and i can’t tell you why (it feels like) nobody gives a damn(or even tries to). but i can tell you that there are people, and, at the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM, at least 1 person who, if you do not give up on people, you will find. it is an inevitability. and that person will not force you to water down your problems so you’re not a ‘burden’ to them or not ‘stressing’ them out.

i know this because i was in deep shit and that friend from earlier was that for me, and i was that for them. i know that because, thankfully, they didn’t end up killing themselves because their friends were there for them. and i know, in my heart of hearts, people CAN and WILL be there for you too. so, yeah, it’s corny, but don’t give up. cool? cool.
maybe you’re fine now. i dunno. but wherever you are, best of luck to you. and don’t you dare go hollow.

1 Heart