Hi all…I’m asking for guidance I guess. I’m feeling really conflicted about someone who I thought was a friend. We are also coworkers and in the beginning, I thought she was wonderful. She has a great work ethic and is well-liked at our job. She also seems to have a big heart and says she’s always there for anyone if they need to talk. I’ve recently been going through some rockiness in my relationship with my bf and every time I’ve reached out to her, she’s been supportive. The thing is she never reaches out first…even the day after I messaged her when I was obviously going through it. If I text first I almost immediately get a response, but if its just to talk, she gives me basically one word responses. But if its about my bf, she’ll send pages of texts encouraging me to leave him and that I deserve better. She thinks he’s a narcissist, which is nothing new since a lot of my family does too- but now that he and I recently started getting along again, I don’t think she’d be supportive of me staying with him. Her main issue is he’s been physically abusive in the past. She told me she thinks I’m an empath, and that she is one as well, along with being highly intuitive. But recently I started womdering if maybe she’s the narcissist. I used to feel comforted by her presence but now I feel nervous whenever I see her- like I need her validation. Again she hasn’t actually done anything…she has had a bad past before we met…but she’s said that she’s working on making amends. I know she cares a great deal about her work, and she’s very close with her family and encouraged me to work on my relationship with mine- which is something good that’s come out of the friendship. Its just that I feel like she only cares when there’s a problem, which strikes me as odd. Does anyone get a feel for what kind of intentions she has?
She might have her own personal issues and possibly has empathy fatigue, but I could be wrong. I don’t know her personally, so that’s my only belief.
You should seek support elsewhere - not from a co-worker. It is best to keep the bulk of your personal life, problems, issues, as your personal stuff. I’m older/retired but i would talk at work about weather, clients, my dog had puppies, my son made the football team —nothing really personal//superficial stuff. It is nice(?) but odd that this person reached out and initiated being a support for you….
The thing is - you don’t know her that well and I’d wonder why she wants to be a support
It’s also possible she didn’t expect you to share so much, so often.
I don’t mean to be harsh in any way just that I’d be cautious putting too much of my personal life/especially personal problems out there to a coworker. She may keep your info to herself/she may tell others…
Now if you leave this job, maintain her friendship, and work elsewhere then feel free But sometimes getting support from this coworker may also not be a great idea because she may not really even be competent to advise you, or (as you think she’s a narc ) she may have more issues than you are aware of
My vote is quit telling her real personal stuff and find support elsewhere Hugs