Ever hear about meth leading to cumpulsive sexual behaviors?
Ever hear it the other way around?
I did meth 4 times this year, yesterday being the latest. Thing is, I was looking to boost my sex addiction. I think... I have spent the last ten years online, or on phone services... I got fired from a job over pop-ups on the computer. I never paid ( directly) for sex, but it had it's costs. I can't count my sexual partners and feel terrible for the way I treated many of them. As far as I know I'm clean. I've neen in a monogamous relationship for almost 3.5 years and was tested prior. I did fool around on her though, not full sex, just two guys watching porn together. Then the meth... It raised the bar with out having to leave or stray. Physically anyway. I used it while cross dressing and going on web cams. It definately added to my relationship ending (though there are other factors) and what dd I do to cope? Went straight online to find some sex and drugs... Now hear I am. I want to change. I don't want to tell her about the cheating and the meth but know I should. She was my best friend and ... Yeah. You get it. Until tonight I never really believed in sexual addiction, but reading up on it, taking the evaluations, and examining my life for the first time, really, I think I have a real problem and don't want to go on ruining relationship after relationship... I also don't want to go on prozak and can't afford a therapy. I don't believe in god either if I'd have to for any programs...
Help?
We all make mistakes but to learn from them is a lesson. You need to talk with some one who can lead you on the right path. Try writing to get things off your chest. Try groups, I was going to say that a church could direct you to a free clinic or support group but you don't do God. Even if you don't believe in God you could still ask them for help, they should never turn a person away. coming here is a step so at east you are really wanting to do something about it. Good luck
Thankyou,
Yes, talking here has helped. Also I went to my parents. Telling them was so hard, but it helped and I was able to tell my ex too. She wanted to talk maybe about getting back together, but she needed to know what, for my part helped tear us apart. She is thinking it all out now and
I am awaiting a counceling meeting.
I am also journaling every day now. I hope that will help me develope a healthy routine.
Thankyou again.
Every step no matter how small will help and before you know it things will feel a lot better. Keep it up you will be fine. Writing is so good and you can let everything out, for me if I feel I can't say something I write it and give it to the person. This is good because at time words come out wrong. When you read it , you have time to process it and they can question if they don't ubderstand what it is you are trying to say. I hope you find peace and they are willing to work with you.
She is not willing to see past this. I am so ashamed. Do you know what it’s like to want to die? Like, I don’t want to kill myself, not at all. I just want to die because a life without her seems dead already. Or at least it seems like a life not worth living. I am so alone without her.
Believe it or not I really do. There is something going on in my life like that and I feel so small and ashamed that it would be better to disappear. It hurts and will take some time to get over it. What you have to understand is that people are so easy to hurt and no matter how strong they tend to be at times, when trust is broken it is hard to try and look past it. You will have to try and place all positive efforts in place so that you gain the trust again. This does not mean you have to kiss butt or be put down for what you have done. I am sur you are hurting already and to apply more presure would only make it worse.If we were all free from sin or was always right, I am sure evryone would live in glass houses. We are not and don't, just know that to make a mistake and own it is one thing but to learn from it is always better and move on. You will be ok.