I joined recently to support groups.com and been trying to find some support group somewhere and this is my easiest way for support.
Been depressed off and on most of my life. I'm 31-years old. Been dealing with this depression again for about 2 months or so. Right now, I feel like cry and I have no idea why. Had some suicidal thoughts lately and I have no idea why I'm getting them. I hate feeling this way. Wish there was something I could do to feel better. Thanks for listening.
Hi colorfulgirl29
Welcome to the group! You made it this far in life...off and on with depression, thus look at it this moment will pass too. Your life is the canvas upon which you are continually painting your own special masterpiece it’s your ego and that’s important...find yourself once again, and allow those thoughts that bring happiness is somethng you can do to feel better. Best Wishes!
Thanks :)
Hi colorfulgirl29!
Thanks for joining the group! I have so much respect for you you don't even know.
I am 32 y/o and have never dealt with depression up until recently, and it hit me like a speeding ice cream truck full of tnt and creamy goodness!
So for you to deal with it on/off for 31 years is simply amazing! What I have learned with my depression is simply that the emotions I feel are not my own. I have to put them on the back burner.
I hope you talk to us more about your life and tribulations so we can swap some great stories, Heck I got this one story about my big fat cat who always falls off my kitchen table cause he tries to jump up there but his fat says no and comes crashing down. I know I shouldn't laugh at him and I always check to make sure he is o.k, but oh man that cat is hilarious!
for being a beautiful 31 y/o woman you gotta have some funny stories!
That's funny about the cat.. Needed a laugh, thanks :) I know I shouldn't laugh too, but it helped, thank you! Glad your cat is okay :)
On the 13th of Jan. My mom told me my cat died "Sassy." I miss her. I'd see her every now and then when I went to my moms house before she died. My mom has been taking care of Sassy for the past few years. Recently I heard God told me to spend more time petting Sassy since her time was almost up. That was back in November. I knew she was about to go but didn't know when until the evening of the 13th when my mom called me and told me Sassy died. It was heartbreaking and I guess it hit me.
I was feeling depressed since the beginning of December and had no idea why I was so down. Than about a week before Sassy died, I was sure I was going to eat healthy and exercise right. Once I heard the news I stopped eating and exercised like there was no tomorrow. Anytime I did eat, I was taking laxatives so the food wouldn't stay in me. I guess i wanted to feel empty, I don't know.
I'm just trying to get past this but has been so hard. The suicidal thoughts have been coming so frequent now that it's just getting harder every day. I'd go get on medication, but than again I don't want it. It's like I don't want help and could careless. I'm just glad to find this support group online in the meantime until i can get myself on track.
I just wish I wasn't so depressed. Glad to be figuring this out on here :) Thanks for listening, everyone!
I assume Sassy was a Calico cat? That name seems to fit I guess... any funny quircks she would do like lay on her back and roll over 1/2 way then the other...or just stare crazily at balloons?
My wife yelled at me for not eating yesterday, I have been forcing myself onto a diet and she says that 1 piece of toast with peanut butter on it is not dinner, pfft I say!
But she won and I had a salad too.
Don't worry about suicide, the reason I couldn't commit suicide and decided to talk to my wife about it was simple.
If I died I would miss the opportunity to meet new people and see new things, My 2 kids would grow up w/o me, and my wife would have to carry on w/o me around. She has lupus to boot.
So for me finding this site has been amazing I love helping out where I can, even if it's sharing a funny story or giving a 100 bucks to starving family I love doing what I can!
So imagine if you had died, I wouldn't be able to talk to you. So thank you for hanging in and spending some time with this short fat guy to make my day a little better!
:) Thanks for the encouragement. I'm holding on because I know God isn't through with me yet. Also too is for my family (husband and two children).. I don't want them to grow up without me either so to me they are worth living for, too! :) Just hate feeling this way and wish to get over it soon...
I know you will!
Look just by us talking you have helped me out. and now you can go on and help others out, just by being there and listening is worth more than anyone will ever imagine.
Sometimes friends and family judge you even though they say they don't you know they are, so having anonymous friends is a great great thing!
just never feel alone you will always have someone here to talk too.
Thanks Ashen! I hope to help others as well as finding ways to help myself. Sometimes I don't even feel like trying. It's like I have lack of motivation to even get to feeling better, but I guess this is the first step of me getting better is talking about it :) Thank you!
Today I will take a step no matter how big or small, eventually if I take enough steps it will turn my life around!
Your welcome colorfulgirl29, never forget that you as an individual are far more amazing and stronger than you even know! just by being a woman alone is far harder then I can imagine...sheesh, you woman do it all!
and on top of that you managed to take a big huge step in coming here and talking to me, I love it! =D
Darn it my big fat cat..(his name is Luther and all black. he has a stub tail but I really think that his fat absorbed the rest of it.) jumped up on my desk and pushed all my keys, I think he needs some attention. or he wants to say Hi! lol
Thanks, Ashen! :) That's funny about your cat... My son keeps coming in here every now and than, grabs my arms pulls and says, "Movie!" He's 2-years old and the way he says it is so cute! The funniest part is when he says "Yes" It sounds like "Yesh!" lol I told my husband I have a feeling we'll be teasing him on that when he gets older. It's just funny! "Yesh!" lol I needed a laugh, thanks!
Oh man that is freaking cute! trust me there will be even more words he will mess up on. my youngest kid is 6 and he still can't say bread properly, he calls it blood!
So when he gets home from school I ask him what did you have for lunch bud? "Blood and butter sandwich!" oh man it gets me every time he does it.
Dad can I have some blood with peanut butter on it?
I hope he never corrects it, lol
and of course your more then welcome!
Oh, that's funny! lol... It's so cute what kids say. My 3 1/2 year old daughter is talking a lot better. It's just great how much they've grown! I'm trying to enjoy them while they are still young. My son is taking a nap now and my daughter is playing her game on the tv. She's getting so good at that! Something I look forward to when the kids get older is sitting down with them and playing some board games and games on the XBox360.. It would be great being able to play with them when they can beat me at it! :)
He he, I love spending as much time with my kids as possible, You can even play games with them now and just let them win every so often, they will have more confidence then!
We have 2 also a boy who is 6 and a girl who is 12.
when they are that young they are such a sponge they can pick anything up and in a matter of minutes using it!
It's funny you mention playing video games, because thats my hardest thing right now, my kids wil ask me to play a video game with them and I can't, I just quite playing after a 20+ year addiction to them. The depression from not playing drove me crazy!
It's the reason I found this site!
I'm finding this site to be so helpful. I appreciate you talking with me. I'm so cold right now... lol.. Also been craving an avocado and it's too cold to go outside and get one from the store... lol.. plus, I wonder if I did eat it, I'd still wouldn't want to gain weight from it, in turn me taking laxatives.. So hard for me to stop.. :( Wish I knew how to stop...
I might be wrong but I thought you could eat any and all fruits and veggies you want w/o gaining weight? something about empty calories or something..might be wrong.
Yeah it's sunny and cold here, I have socks and my sweatshirt on, but it's kinda sunny outside, then again I did just fold warm laundry a few min ago!
I just ate a small salad for lunch just lettuce and tomatoe, with a very small drop of thousand island dressing! about half a bowl.
about the laxatives can't you just toss them out? and not buy anymore, I know sounds redonculus (I made that word up) but it might work, especially now that you know I got your back, with this eating thing.
I would hate it if you lost so much energy you couldn't type anymore!
Surprisingly I gain the weight when I eat... Frustrating... I'd throw the laxatives away but I find myself leaning on it so much, it's like my friend. I know, it's bad... Just wish, I'd stop but it's as if, "What would I do without my ED?" It's like I can't live without it. Well, I guess I need to find something to warm up.. Coffee/Hot Chocolate?? Got to make supper soon, spaghetti...
Well I know your weight isn't always constant, it fluxes up and down no matter who you are, so a few lbs here and there is no big deal it's normal it's perfect!
Your picture your skinny! at least you don't look like a shrimp cocktail like me lol! just be glad I don't wear spandex =D not only that but your body has a natural way to dispose of food, no need to help it unless you get constipated. which my neighbors dog is atm, it's kinda gross with it's leakyness. ewww!
Coffee with hot chocolate in it is the best! mocha!
We had spaghetti last night, well my wife and kids had that, I had toast and salad! which made my wife mad. >.<
Wishing you the best and hope you have a great night with your family!
Having spinach in our spaghetti. My husband and I love adding and taking things away from receipts.. kinda fun...
wish I saw myself the way others see me.. I kinda don't see myself as being thin, but every now and than I do but than I crave being thinner... weird...
Hey thats awesome, you telling me that you two cook together?
I absolutely love cooking with my wife, i'm a terrible cook, but she's amazing..hence the extra weight of scarfing down her food! it's proof that she loves me! or fattening me up for a pot roast >.<
I guess you haven't been to the public ymca where I live...lol it's great I blend right in! My wife is freaking skinny though, due to her thyroid and lupus though.
I will have to talk to my wife about remixing some of our recipies, sounds like fun! Not sure what we will have for dinner yet only 2:30 here. Maybe bbq chicken. It's so cold outside though.