Newly separated and feeling raw part 2 Not sure how to go

Newly separated and feeling raw part 2

Not sure how to go about this part 1 is closed as it got too big so I guess a quick abridged version then update.

In September I kicked my wife of 30 years out for having an affair with a guy over a nine year period. I knew it was going on and tried to get her to stop. Five years ago she told me she didn’t love me and I said she had to choose she chose to stay with me. The lies and paranoia drove me mad over that period and then I found out the guy had left his wife and gone off with another woman so thought great it’s over and tried to rebuild only to find out she’d been seeing him over s six month period up till September so had enough and ended us. Over a month I cleared the house split the monies and have met and fell in love with a wonderful lady. Just started counselling as I’m not sleeping and having bedroom troubles

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Sounds like you’ve been thru a lot. It must have been very hard for you to clear out your house. I’m still with my h and I have a hard time going thru our belongings. Glad to hear that you made that leap as I can imagine how difficult it was to do.

@flowergirl75 it was very hard I did it the day after I kicked her out and also rang around my family it was a very hard and tearful day but when it was done I felt a lot better. I came to the realisation I was better off very early on and although I tried to get her back I accepted she wasn’t going to and I didn’t really want her. I am just so very lucky I found a new woman that lives and appreciates me so quickly I’m not sure where I would be if I hadn’t. If it’s over between you a fresh start minus their stuff and new decor is the way to go make it your place. I wish everyone going through the hell that is infidelity the best and want you to know there is a tomorrow no matter what you think.

He should have to buy you out. Also, get rid of the customer.

The customer hasn’t actually come to our business anymore since about 3 yrs ago after she started the inappropriate texting to my h. She did come a couple times for other people but I’ve given her multiple warnings to stay away since I found out. I have also had to tell her family to go elsewhere or the rcmp will be escorting them off the property. I’d rather close the business then have him buy me out.

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@flowergirl75 RCMP…Canadian?

The counseling should be able to help you as they guide you to walk through the events that happened to you. Have you thought about the need to deflate? With all these events that happened around you and I’m sure involved confrontation, arguments and other verbal exchanges, they are still in your head and you wonder if you should have said this and that. There’s always a flashback and it pumps our adrenaline, especially at bedtime. And consider taking it slowly with the new woman as there might be surprises there and as you clear your head.

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I'm sorry you are experiencing this. Marriage is a 'death till you part' commitment; a 100% - 100% giving relationship; a spirit/soul/body relationship. You are experiencing the negative feelings that come from a divorce or separation because this special relationship has been damaged and your spirit/soul and body are impacted. Counseling is a great idea. Peace, wisdom, forgiveness and encouragement is what is best for you. I'll stand with you that you will discover these things that can create a bright future for you.

Hi everyone. Been quiet for a bit because I’m enjoying my new life so much. Counselling ended early as my therapist and I decided I had basically dealt with all the issues I had to. It did help me just to reach the conclusion that I don’t really care why my ex did what she did. The fact that she did is enough and that I’m better off without her. I have finally found myself again. I always thought I was meant to be a grumpy old man that’s just what happens when you get old but no. I laugh more now. I certainly love more I can be me. I have grown a goaty and my hair a bit longer I’m dieting seriously and just enjoying life with my new girl Alli. Still can’t believe my luck 6 months together now. She has made me a better human being all round. So I hope that in some way gives you guys hope for the future. Happiness is out there and if your lucky enough to find it grab on and enjoy the ride xxx

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@MawUk bless you. That is so inspiring and thank you for sharing. I’m so happy for you and Alli. Continue enjoying your happy life and making happy memories.

Hi everyone. Thought I’d check in hope you are all coping and are as happy as you can be. I can’t believe how quickly this year is going and how my life has changed so much in such a short time. I have lost 1 1/2 stones so far. I have stopped all sleeping pills and am sleeping fairly well. Things in the bedroom are improving. Alli and I are totally in love still. Enjoying each other’s support and company. We hate the time we are apart. I feel like a new man. I’m so happy and smile all the time. I guess I should thank my wife because with out her infidelity I wouldn’t be where I am lol

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@MawUk awesome. I’m glad I got to see your happy outcome thx so much for the update.

Well that year whizzed by. I can’t tell you all how much your support helped me. Especially @devastatedinptbo and @kas1966 ( not sure if that tags you both) being able to offload and get support and advice saved my mental health.
Update I am still head over heels in love with Alli and we are both enjoying our moments together. We have had a few holidays away. I haven’t spoken to my ex for at least three months I don’t miss her at all. I have come to terms with what happened and hold no ill will to either of them without them I wouldn’t have Alli. So thank you all so very much

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@MawUk They are both wonderful people who helped you!! Glad things are going well for you! :slight_smile:

This warms my heart to hear! You sound so healthy. And being able to move forward like that without ill will to your ex in my opinion shows you’ve been able to find forgiveness. Take care and all the best for your future!

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@devastatedinptbo @kas1966 hi another year has whizzed by. It’s two years since I split with my wife of 30 years due to her infidelity over 9 years. And I have to say it’s tge best thing that ever happened. Don’t get me wrong it hurt like hell at the time but the pain passes. I found the love of a good woman. And boy I thought I knew love but how wrong was I. We adore each other life has been one big adventure. I have lost weight grown a beard and regained my smile. We’ve climbed mountains, come down zip lines, glided done aerobatics and been to France, Belgium, and various places in England. Life is wonderful. I still own a house with my ex which she still contributes to. The only thing that I can’t sort out yet is my work so that I can be with Alli full time but we make the best of it. Even my phone thinks I live with her as I’m there 80 % of the time. There is life after infidelity you just have to go out and grab it. I hope you all find the happiness I have xx

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@MawUk wow that is wonderful to hear. Sounds like you are living life to the fullest. I got to meet devestatedinptbo and spend a weekend with her. She is a wonderful person and I’m truly blessed to call her friend. Alli sounds awesome and I’m glad you guys found each other.

Welcome to world of infidelity trauma.... A roller coaster ride of the unimaginable....So sorry to hear it... Time will help but you will need real time

@Lostinnumbness I’m not sure if you’re post was meant for @MawUk but if it was you will be happy to know hes moved on and in a happy relationship.

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Hi. Update. Alli and I have been together nearly 7 years and in that time have never argued and we have travelled loads and done exciting things together. I am going to ask her to marry me and we have a 4 week tour of Europe planned for next year. There is light after darkness you just have to look for it. Xx