Next weekend I'm going to head to my in-laws for one night. I have seen by BIL since the decision to divorce was made, but it was just for an hour or so. My BIL also cheated on his wife. My SIL and I have had many frank b$tch sessions. She has supported my decision to leave and I've supported her decision to stay. I'm not going to talk much to my BIL about my EX, because degrading him does no good to anyone and certainly doesn't help me maintain a relationship with people whom I love.
But, I have thought that I may communicate that the one thing I haven't yet forgiven him for is him doing something that will impact my children for the rest of their life and his unwillingness to address it with them. That the only time he spoke with my oldest daughter about what he had done he lied to her and has never spoken about it again. He never spoke to our youngest. So, that burden is 100% on me. And, that is true for my BIL, too. I don't think he has owned up to the long-lasting effects his selfish decision(s) will have on his kids.
@johnyun20 It has really sucked because I was really close to my BIL. No, I don’t owe him anything but I do want to retain a relationship with my SIL and my niece and nephew. So, that means not coming in guns a-blazing. It’s hard navigating these relationships with “family” I’ve developed over the last 16 years. I know my EX comes first in their lives. My SIL doesn’t want to have anything to do with my EX and I just keep telling her that she needs to think about my kids and that her feelings toward him may jeopardize her relationship with the kids. She can’t avoid him forever.
It sucks your having such difficult n stressful issues with your family. I do agree with Johnny you owe nobody anything. I kind of feel like your ex family would most likely side with your ex and best to just keep things/feelings between you and your ex. I feel like his side of family issues should be kept separate from your relationship. Hope it all works out for you!
I got similar advice when I was getting divorced, don’t bad talk the other parent especially to the kids. They will figure it out, and with a mom like you, they will be fine.
@beth65 i wish she could but she has less flexibility in her job. But, we’ll get our ladies wine night. I expect will ditch everyone else for a little while and get one on one time.