Been talking to my parents more about moving out and my dad is still set on me not moving out. My mom is ok with the idea but doesn’t want me to have roommates if they’re not already my friends. She’s really worried about my safety and whether or not they’ll be abusive or dangerous since she keeps saying that even if you meet them you won’t know what type of person they really are until you actually get to know them for a while. I honestly don’t know what to do. Although I really like my own space and privacy, I feel like living alone after a while just gets really boring (and expensive). Lost touch with a lot of my friends from school, we kinda just all drifted away. What am I supposed to do?
That is abusive behavior, they just want to disconnect you from other people. The world is not scary like they want you to believe.
How do I get my parents to see that though? I get that there may be sketchy people out there but I just don’t know how to get them to see that not everyone will be like that. I guess she just doesn’t want to take chances.
Most college dorm require a roommate. I don’t know how you convince them other then save up and go out on your own. Even if you lie and they pay, won’t them come over and check?
I’ve been living at home during college so I don’t have a roommate right now. Yeah, that’s the thing I’m worried about is if I live with a roommate and they come over one day or something and they find out I’m living with someone.
Well, you could always ban them from visiting and just go to their house. Is that even a possibility? I feel like with them that isn’t.
I don’t know them, but if they’re real narcs, they don’t actually care about reality. They care about “how can I spin these facts to exert control, while pretending to be benevolent”.
Honestly, your mom isn’t wrong, but that’s usually why you make a list of your needs as a compatible roomate, and they make a list as well. E.g. Examples of your boundaries might be Im quiet, I dont have friends over to maintain sanctuary, I would like all chores to be divided equally, and everyone needs to keep dirty dishes in their room. No parties in apartment, no pets, females/males only, mature students only.
And then once thats stated up front, you can then go through a checklist of things together and see if you’ve both got some special needs that were unmentioned they might oe you might, and professional and friendly conduct is preferred. Rooming with a friend can be good bc you feel safer, but at that age people are making a lot of mistakes, so they will end up doing stuff out of stupidity anyway.
That sort of thing, up front, needs to be said. Because that way, people can agree to the rules, you can have an interview with eachother and het to know eachother, usually both sides need a cosigner anyways. And it,xs honestly a horrible idea to room with your friends, the friendship usually breaks or gets worse because you WILL mess up. Whether it’s dirty dishes or getting a sublet who is awful … you will mess up. So dont risk the friendship, just have a really thorough interview process.
If you’re off to college for the first time it makes sense your parents would be worried. Thats usually why people live in residence their first year in a dorm. They can also then provude a letter of reference when you are about to move into an apartment.
Thanks for all the suggestions. I’m studying at home for college, but I was asking about moving out sometime after college.
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Hi Alex! Welcome. I can’t agree more, ugh, the spinning of tales is so real and confusing!