I had my obligatory phone call with my covert narcissist mother yesterday and it was a doozie. I do pretty well at grey rocking but every so often (and frankly for my own amusement at times), I’ll make a statement acknowledging how self-absorbed she is. There was a point where I mentioned something of significant importance in my life and she waved it off and started talking about herself like she always does. I stated, “I know you don’t care about anything that doesn’t directly affect you,” to which she responded, “Yeah, exactly” and then kept prattling on.
I recorded the call like I always do for my own sanity, and played that bit for my wife when she got home. Wife just about fell off the couch. I’m about to where nothing she does surprises me anymore, but even I was floored at a) how she so nonchalantly admitted it, and b) that she is so lacking in self-awareness that she can’t help but say the silent part out loud.
Love we have a Narc group again because let’s be honest, it is really nice talking to other survivors. I am so sorry hun, I don’t have any contact with mine, but my mother, the codependent, sometimes I will mention something from my childhood and she will be like, well that was your father and I am like-in my head, no, actually it was you, he wasn’t the take reins and do shit person. Your mom knows, I refuse to believe Narcs don’t know, they know, they thing is, they don’t care.
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I maintain sparse contact, just enough of it to avoid repercussions. I had a moment a little bit ago after a particularly bizarre lunch encounter with my parents where I said, “I can’t believe I was raised by those people.” To which my wife responded: "They didn’t raise you. They housed you. You raised yourself. " Which was a painfully accurate statement.
Yes, I understand that one, I feel like we grew up together. My parents were very young when they had me. I was housed, I wasn’t physically abused, but it was hard growing up. There were lots of joyous times, but it wasn’t what I now know, normal or healthy. Hugs, I get where you are coming from, it is hard because you want to move past it, but you realize, you can’t move past your own life.
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Sounds like your wife is very supportive, which is really great!
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