Please help all i think about is food. I will skip meals and then later ea so much and feel so full and very guilty. I have been gainging weight and want to lose it fast! Once i start eatintg i cant stop. please help to get my mind off of this!
Hey Emily,
Welcome! It sounds like you could be suffering from binge eating disorder. This takes time and work to get better...so I can't offer any quick fix solution. What I can offer is understand and support and your road to recovery.
It's important you understand that your relationship with food is unhealthy at present, but this not your fault and is one of the symptoms of BED. So talk to us. How was your day today?
How long has this being going on for? Have you looked into professional help for it like therapy. I am returning to therapy after a long time away from it as I realise I cannot do this alone.
We are all here for you...let us know how you are.
Thinking of you
moongal x
Thank you for the reply. I didnt eat much today some days I will do that. I have had this eating problem for maybe a year now. I havent looked into professional help. I dont want my parents or family to know I have this eating disorder. It’s like I dont want to gain weight but go the other way but food is always on my mind!
I know how you feel! I'm always thinking about food, specific foods actually, and I do the same thing where I skip meals or don't eat a lot during the day so I will be able to binge like crazy at night. I'm thinking about getting therapy soon, it's getting pretty difficult to deal with. Just wanted to empathize with you!
Cat
Hey swimcat and emily,
Those days without eating much, are really days where we are still giving into the symptoms of the disorder but it is a method of trying to control weight gain. I have learned that for me I can do those few days because my body is kind of stuffed from the binge, but as it empties i need to stuff more emotions down and so go for food.
But i am really hurting myself with this.
Is there any way you could start therapy without your family finding out? I am going to a therapist that works on a sliding scale as I am so poor right now it only costs 20 a session, which is fantastic.
Is there a friend you could tell about this issue? Please realise it's not confined to weight and weight loss, it goes waaay deeper than that, food is just how we cope and you need and you're not alone.
I hope you have a great day. You are strong and you can do this, you deserve a life without this vicious cycle.
Much love to you
Moongal x
I just told my best friend about it and she didn't really know what to say other than that she thinks I should go to the doctor, which I'm planning on doing as soon as I get back to college (in about a month). And I realize it's definitely deeper than just an obsession with food, so I know it's important to see a therapist/psychiatrist about this too.
Cat
Ah Cat, that's such good news that you've reached out to someone. Hope you feel better for it. For my now my therapist has me doing a lot of journalling, which i am finding so helpful, I am also finding mediatation fantastic, would you consider it?
I would definitely recommend you start journalling your thoughts, you might have the key to your ED right there and just getting it out could be a huge step in recovery.
So proud of what you did today, it was a huge step.
Much love to you
Moongal x
I agree, journaling is definitely helpful. I've never tried meditation, to be honest I get pretty antsy! But I'd be willing to try it :)
And regarding telling my friend....I actually feel kind of like she's going to treat me differently. It's not like she has yet, but I feel like she may find me weak or something. Also, I feel like if we hung out around a meal time she would be closely monitoring what I'm eating. I'm wondering if telling her was a good choice :(
Cat
Hey Cat,
Please don't regret telling your friend, you took that step to help yourself not for anyone else and it was a good choice. And you are trying to make yourself well so when you eat it should be a normal meal.
I do understand what you mean though, I hate people looking at my plate and judging what I am and am not eating, makes me so angry. Just tell your friend if she still has any questions in regard to it, that you are happy to answer them and that you are finding dealing with an ED yourself very stressful and overwhelming so you'd understand if she didn't "get" it right away.
If she is questioning why you aren't eating for good reason, don't be mad at her, she is only trying to support you. But if your meal is normal and you are eating correctly and you feel like you are being watched"...talk, you have the right to.
I told my Mam a month ago and she has read literature in regard to and everything, but it is only now that she is really starting to get it. That it is so emotional and not really food based at all, that food is just the mechanism through which we cope. But it was the best choice I made, she has been a rock for me.
Please don't fret about your decision it was a good one.
Much love to you
Moongal x
Hi Cat
I totally understand your feeling about your friend treating you differently. I feel like my boyfriend must look at me differently now that I have told him. I have talked to him about it though and I think it is just my insecurities. Maybe that is the same for you and your friend too? It's so hard to tell anyone about this, at least for me, but I hope that facing it helps to make things better! Just my thoughts.
And Emily, I can definitely relate. This is an extremely difficult situation. I feel like it has taken up ten years of my life now and I am just finally realizing I need to take some control of it. Not sure how exactly yet but I have found it helpful to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. Hopefully we can all help eachother!