hi everyone.. as i mentioned in a previous post i've had a rough last couple of days with b/p. i've purged so much that i essentially couldn't bring much of it up this last time (sorry to be so graphic).
i'm not sure what's happened to my system but i'm guessing i've abused purging so much my stomach couldn't handle it anymore...i feel tired and exhausted.
has this episode ever happened to anyone else. i guess the good thing is that i KNOW i cannot binge now b/c I CANNOT purge and i don't want to keep the food down.
Perhaps this is God speaking to me!?!?
Thanks for your thoughts and feedback...
I'm so disgusted that I am destroying my body which I spend soooooooooooo much time working out at the gym!/!? Its lunacy!
The only good thing is that I have my FIRST group ED tonight.. I moved all types of things in my schedule to be able to make it -- I have to!
I'm sorry to hear about this episode you're having. But we all hit our rough patches and what's good is that you're moving forward from it and going to your ED group tonight :) I hope it goes well!
I had the no being able to purge happen to me before too. It was a real eye opener...like my body was REJECTING me and what I wanted to do. But on the other hand, it stopped me for a couple nights afterward because I knew my body needed a rest.
You're GOING to beat this Caroline. I know you will!
Paige xoxo
Yup, been there. Horrible feeling. Funny thing happens though... binging is not so attractive anymore. The insatiable beast is actually quieted for once.
Maybe you can use this in a positive way to break the cycle. I remember being so angry and somewhat dismissive of the idea of breaking the B/P cycle by stopping purging instead of binging. In one of my old groups it was actually a goal one week to binge and not purge (regardless of ability to) - horrible feeling both physically and psychologically. A few days later and everything had balanced out though. And that was the start of my longest recovery. Maybe it can be the start of something similar for you. Here's hoping :)
Good luck,
A
I still don't really have a "succint" meal plan but I think I know what I need to do from your email and some other online research... The hard part will just be STICKING to it. I hope that i can convince myself that I am ALLOWED to eat "challenge foods" and that I'm not going to immediately gain if I do. I work out so much and otherwise eat healthy I don't even understand why I have this disease!! I'm sure I could maintain my weight if I didnt' b/p!!!
Thanks for the supportive words. I feel good today and pray that I can keep it up.
This is still a good first step...KNOWING what you need to do. From there sometimes it takes a while for it to sink in and accept. But for the beginning, I'd suggest not challenging yourself with fear foods and just eating normally again. I'd also recommend cutting back on the exercise a bit so you can convince your mind that you are allowed to eat without exercise and you won't gain; because you can. You just need to let your body adjust :) You'd be surprised how smart it actually is.
I know you can do this! Your constant posts and involvement in wanting to get better PROVES it. You just have to be patient and learn from your mistakes (even if you make the mistake 8 times before you do). Just look at everything as a learning opportunity and nothing more. Record it too, and come up with solutions :)