I have PTSD and I am just curious of people that want to share what is your story of having PTSD
Hi princess
my post tramatic has stemmed from childhood. My parents fought and divorced when I was 3. My mother remarried when I was 4 to a wonderful man in the Marines. Unfortunatly he was killed in action when I was 5. She got together with another man when I was 6, married him and was with him until I was 12. He was an abusive alcoholic who verbally, mentally and physically abused us terribly on a daily basis. Hey I could pour a perfect ber from the tap when I was just 9, great huh? He was in the military so we moved every year sometimes twice a year. So I was always the new kid at school getting bullied. thank god they divorced. When I was 14 my dad committed suicide.. Well what else can happen right? I was still being abused and uncared for, my mom an alcoholic and me with no guidance. I had to make sure everything was always perfect like we didn't even live in our own home or i would be abused by my step father, my mom did nothing about it. I tried to commit suicide and was hospitalized numerous times. I was sexualy abused, turned to drugs and suicide, cutting, anything and everything. I was always in trouble with the juvinile system. I got a DUI when I was underage. Got myself in my own abusive sick relationships and so on and so forth. that's just a brief outline of things. There is still much to the middle but these things contributed greatly, even having friends die was tramatic. I don't know what I did when I was young to deserve these things but these were the things that had the biggest effect on me and contributed to my PTSD. So how about you? Are you doing ok with your PTSD? I find it a struggle still to this day and i only mentioned up until I was about 20 or so so there is still more! But that was the basis of it and the major causes. May I never be beat again, may my heart never break for my father again and again. I hope this finds you with some comfort knowingthat you are not alone in this.
much love and light
soulkiss
My story began in October of 2009. A night that my gut told me to stay home, even had a deer jump out in front of my car! I missed all "the signs" and went anyway. After learning my boyfriend had been cheating for over a year a sick part of me was so desperate to show him I could be as fun as his flame. I work a lot and being the career minded woman I am I found it hard to hang in bars constantly! This night was different I was going to let loose! Went out with my boyfriend to a local pool hall and the night was going great. Towards the end of the night and after a few drinks, my boyfriend started small talk with a man at the bar. The man seemed really nice of course, drunk but nice. I distinctly remember him ordering a couple shots of patron but I can't for the life of me remember his face! At closing time he told my boyfriend he lived a few blocks down and asked for a ride home. My boyfriend agreed even while I was shaking my head no behind the man. We stopped at a gas station, then drove to his house. When we got there he was so drunk he could hardly walk! My boyfriend grabbed his beer, told me to wait in the car and walked him inside. After a few minutes or so I got out and went to check on my boyfriend (mistake) the door was open so I walked In. My boyfriend was pushing this man off of him and yelling "man calm down" I felt my face become very hot, touched my cheeks and realized I was covered in blood. All I remember saying is I'm bleeding. My boyfriend rushed me to the car and started towards the hospital. I do recall pulling the visor down expecting to see my nose bleeding but instead saw my forehead gashed open. I was so confused! I asked what happened to me and my boyfriend said he threw a closed bottle of beer and it hit you. I don't know how it didn't knock me out! Long story short a few minutes later I was going into an emergency operation due to my frontal bones being crushed, a broken nose, and internal bleeding. After 4 hours of surgery and the best plastic surgeon ever, I was sent to a recovery room. When the investigators came to the roomy boyfriend was able to provide them with enough information to make an arrest. When was released from the hospital i asked my mother to call and see if he had been arrested, nope! After several days and no help from investigators I had someone drive me to the station only to find out they had never even followed up on it! The investigator took me into an interrogation room and asked me what type of drugs I was looking for that night! He seemed to think this was a drug deal gone bad! They had done all sorts of test at the hospital so I knew they would have drug test results. I called the DA and signed a release form for them to have all of my NEGATIVE drug testings! After this they attempted an arrest only to find the man moved! He got away and I'm stuck with a 6inch scar on my face and a constant fear of running into this man! I also have major sinus problems now and some cognitive issues from the concusion. I live in constant pain, a headache everyday! The frontal bone im told is one of the strongest bones in the body and mine was crushed. He reallythrew the thing hard! To top all of this off my boyfriend left me at my parents house 3 days after being released from the hospital to rekindle that flame! I'm mostly disappointed in myself for not being able to make a strong choice on the photo line up. I feel like everyone let me down, my boyfriend, the investigators, and myself for being there and not trusting my instincts. I'm scared all of the time. I can't sleep all night and I can't walk upstairs in my own home sometimes. I have a fear that I can't get past. I have no faith at all in law enforcement and I think that makes it worse. I sometimes sit at work and a trigger strikes, oh the explanations I have to give for my face balling up like I'm trying hard not to think about something. I dont talk to anyone now. All my relationships are gone, I'm just not up to it! The trauma that I sustained should have killed me, my surgeon told me so! That's a hard one to swallow. Sorry for totally venting all this but it's the first time I've got it out since that night. Crap, my phone just beeped and I almost fell off of the chair shaking! This is torture and I hate it! I want the old me back so bad but I can't seem to find her.
wow yesterday, that was quite a story. I'm glad you are able to share in a safe place. Your situation was quite tramatic and I'm glad you pulled through. I got anxiety reading about it. I'm so sorry this has happened, no one deserves that kind of trauma. Be glad you are rid of the boyfriend, but at least he took you to the hospital in time. I understand your fears and they are very legitimate. It also angers me that someone could do that to another human being after all you've done for them. Boyfriend included. How dare he not be there for you when you really needed him. that just infuriates me. I don't blame you at all for your feelings and I know nothing i can say will make your pain go away. Just know that we are here for you and i'm glad you were finally able to get it out, it gives us a better understanding on how to help you when you are in need or feeling anxious. I know daily life is hard on you especially when you feel like you've no one to turn to. it's safe here and you don't have to feel alone anymore with this. Don't ever appologize for venting, you need this. i wish I could be there to give you a big hug and tell you it's ok but i know that won't help you feel any less traumatized or take away your pain. Just know we are here and if you want to go into anything further we are here to listen, you don't have to be alone in this. You are so strong girl you have no idea, you fought through this and you survived and it's all for a reason. You were meant to live. I hope we can help you start "living" again as well. thank you for being here.
with love and light
soulkiss
8 yrs. ago I met a man online that turned out to be a cult leader. Long story short after talking with him for 2 months or so I lost my mind and almost killed myself. My PTSD was that I lost my mind and was so scared that I had given myself over to the devil never to return that it really, really freaked me out. Now everyday I think about that guy and all the crap he(I allowed)put into my head. Some days are better than others....