Ok i have had a rough week and it will probably be rough for a while yet. I am working on better communication and better coping methods in my life. My wife are working to communicate better after many years of just barely surviving. I am working to break out of my shell when it comes to feelings and sharing them. It is not easy and often her sarcastic comments are not helpful when i am trying to get my feelings under control. Also, it is hard to share feelings to the person that is causing the feelings, I often take offense to them and then work to defend myself instead of listening to her. the same when i get to my feelings about her, she can get defensive around things.
All i know is that it has been a long rough week and it is continuing into this week. It is really pushing me toward just feeling like crap and i am struggling to see some positives in the relationship.
I am sorry that is took me so long to respond to this, I meant to yesterday when I saw you posted this, but as you know my day took a turn and well…there wasn’t much left of my insight by the time I got home. Some days here are just like that.
Anyways, It sounds like both of you need to work on really hearing each other, but listening isn’t all about what they are saying either. Sometimes when you are in a relationship you have to read between the lines because there are always reasons why people bring up or choose to fight about certain subjects–and sometimes its just because that person is agitated about something else and are looking for a fight, but it can be about something relevant as well.
Couples are really good at displacing their day to day anger and frustrations onto each other, and using it as an excuse to communicate. Which is like the worst thing you can do because anything said in a heated conversation can, and mostly likely will be used against you later.
Sometimes its just easier to communicate in a heated moment, but the reality is that you both should agree to wait and schedule a time later to talk about it when both of you aren’t so riled up about it. That way you both have time to think about what you want to say about the issue and words that you don’t want to come out…don’t come out.
This really only works if both parties agree to delay the argument until later and that may not always work, but it might be worth exploring.