I realized today that I REALLY want to get better. So I am going to try and hard as I can. Two and a half years ago, when I was really overweight, I woke up one morning and decided I didn't want to be fat anymore. Right away, I changed my lifestyle to accomplish that goal. And I never looked back. To me, that shows that when I put my mind to something, I can do it. Of course, my "diet" didn't end when it should have and slowly morphed into an ED. But the fact that I was able to lose that weight shows that when I am motivated I can really accomplish a lot. Therefore, it stands to reason that I can put my sights on recovery and work towards that. The same determination that helped me lose the weight in the first place can help me gain some back (eeek!) and kick ED out of my life.
Although I am still looking into treatment programs to go to during my winter break from school, I decided that I am going to try a lot harder to do it on my own first. That's where you come in, my lovely support group friends. I could really use anyone's help who is willing to give it. Starting tomorrow, I am going to be adding a Balance bar and a sugar-free pudding (or a piece of fruit with similar cals) to my diet EVERY DAY. I might switch it up later, but those are the foods I feel comfortable adding now. I know this is going to be very hard for me, so I want you guys to hold me accountable on here. I know that I'll probably have the urge to skip the extra snack, restrict to compensate, etc (basically the urge to give in to ED). Anyone who wants to help by holding me accountable to this plan would be greatly appreciated :)
I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU! I'm glad you decided you need to get better and that you are so motivated to do so! You can do this, i just know it! you better eat that food otherwise i'll beat your little booty!!! :P good luck! STAY STRONGGG!!
Way to go! That's a great attitude to have regarding motivation and persistence, and very true; we're all very strong, determined people, so maybe we can put our energies to better use (i.e. recovery). :-) I'm always there for you, and I will do my best to help with accountability (grrr! eat your food!) ;-) Message me any time, and keep posting about how you're doing. :-)
Love always,
Vero
this is awesome chelsea--there is just one thing here--that i think you need to add here---help. you need professional help to get through this. while it is great to want to do this on your own---ED is so strong--it is hard to overcome alone. it is like getting over heroin alone..you need that extra help to get over the humps of ED.
are you still looking into treatment? that really is the best route to go... at least----the very least you will need a therapist---prefferrably and ED specialist cause lots of therapists dont know how to deal with EDs( weird and sad i know). ED really is a special problem and therapsits therefore need to be trained in that area to help you out.
but i do---- nonetheless commend you on your will to get better! and it is great you are embarking on this! i do think it is aweosme! and we will be here for you whenever you need us---anytime....
i am very proud of you ,chelsea---very very proud!
best wishes
love
maureen
Thanks so much everyone! Maureen- I am still looking into treatment. I'm going to meet up with my mom on Monday and she's going to help me call around to different places that I could go to during break. I also just started with a therapist that specializes in ED, and I like her so far. I have to drive like an hour and a half each way to see her, but it's worth it. I couldn't believe that there were no ED therapists closer to me-isn't that insane? And there's no support groups within 2 hours of me either! For a problem that's so common, you would think there would be more resources!
chelsea, that's just awesome, i'm so pleased for and proud of you! and whereas i do agree with maureen that you need help to get through this, i admire your courage to start NOW, no matter what.
and yes, you're thinking is right, if you put your mind to it you can do everything you want, i've got no doubt about that.
one question out of pure interest. why/how did you decide on these specific foods? are they something you think may be easier for you to introduce? or do you jsut really like them?
i think taking this step of adding new foods is huge and probably very hard so you should start with something that is one way or another a bit easier (than e.g. pizza or so would be).
you're so strong, it's plainly admirable!
and i will be here anytime you need the support, i promise!!
love
maedi
yeah chelsea--you know what is crazy? the fact that i couldnt find hardly any therapists that deal with EDs. it took so long to find one--and then come to find out--she really doesnt know much of Eds at all!! ah!!!!! i love her to death though . but i swear i know more about EDS than she does. sig. im so torn on what to do --i love her soo much but i dont think my body image hatred is being addressed . and when i tlak about my body image problems --some how the subject gets changed....ugh.. i get more coping skilld for body image on line here than with her. it is weird. she is great for every other aspect of my life though... wonderful...
there arent many resources for those with EDS at all. there really should be. it is so odd that so many people suffer from this yet there is little help.
i am so happy for you , chelsea! really i am!!!!!!!!
Maedi- I chose those specific foods because I thought they'd be easiest for me to introduce. I am verrry rigid in my eating routine, I've been eating the exact same amount of calories and the exact same food (for the most part) for like two years. I really want to begin to add new foods, but that is WAY scary to me. Even scarier is adding things that I don't know the exact calorie count of. But I'm starting off with the balance bar and sugar free pudding (or apple) for now so that it's a bit less scary. Hopefully I'll be able to introduce new foods soon, but I know it will be really hard.
Maureen- isn't it frustrating that there aren't more providers out there that know stuff about eating disorders? My primary physician I have now is great, but the doctor I had before her was horrible and I think really contributed to my denial. When everyone else began to raise concern that I had an ED, he said I didn't because I ate "too much". He said people with EDs ate next to nothing, and what I ate was pretty much normal. Of course my ED loved that. He was wrong though...what I was eating up until two days ago is only "normal" if you're 5 feet tall, and I'm 5'11". So I listened to him and continued eating the same and lost more and more weight. I wish he hadn't been so ignorant! And as for your therapist, have you asked her directly to talk about coping skills for body image issues?
i think that's the right thinking chelsea, you should use something first that is manageable and that gives you some peace of mind if/when ED thoughts set in. so well done for chosing something achievable :-)
i can't believe your first therapist was such a moron, that's simply incredible. where did he get his degree, that idiot? probably found it in the trash! i sincerely hope your next one will be more supportive, understanding and especially knowledgeable!!
all the best, sweetie, keep us updated on how you're doing! xxx