Sad,confused ,scared,lost. I've been on on here before and

Sad,confused ,scared,lost.
I've been on on here before and only seem to see 1 person that is consistent CK. This condition sucks and I do not personally know anyone who truly understands since they don't go threw it. I have people around me telling me what to do. So at 48 I feel like I only partially run my life. It's been happening about 4 times a month. A stare, confusion and tunnel vision.headache afterwards and busted up. Issue again is I crashed my work van into a sign or pole I think. No one knows or reported it. I pulled off on the road and that's when I hit something. In my confusion and tunnel vision I got out of my van and tried to see what I hit and i saw nothing. I looked under and around my van. I got back on the road and was In another world and didn't recognize where I was, but I drive that road all the time. I made my way home and found a dent on my bumper, passenger mirror a little broken and then days later I found my roof ladder rack falling off like if you drove into a parking garage with your bike on the roof. My job requires me to drive. 10 years on this job and 10 years on the last whom fired me (let me go) for crashing their van. They knew the issue and why it happened. I have a wife who is fed up with this and sometimes feels like hate. She's angry, sad and depressed with this which makes it so much harder on me. She just wants me to not work and drive anymore. I have a house I pay for. College fund (one child), 2 cars one paid for, retirement, health and dental, vacations and small dog and cat. Anytime in the past I told a Dr. Anything they just want to take away my license and mess with one of 3 medications . While that went on 10 years ago and maybe 10 before that I'm out of a job because I have to drive to do the work j do. This condition was due to an injury when I was 18 and a mental struggle . I happened much less for years and now 4 times a month. Still don't know the triggers after all these years. Sometimes you think you figure it out, sleep,stress, dehydration and then I'm on vacation with none of those things happening and then BAM, why. Is it just always going to happen. Am I going to loose my job, live off the Government for awhile, make half of what I make and live where. Expensive house but middle class affordable and all the other expenses. My wife is saying she's going to jump off a bridge. Says "Jesus take me. I can't take it anymore". That's her stresses of everything. I said just leave me and you won't have to worry about this issue of mine anymore. A Dr's appointment I had on Friday where I was going to come clean on my issues after years of hiding. This appointment would have led to my fears, but possible better treatment. My appointment fell threw and didn't happen. It was the van accident that made the decision for me. Now I just want to work and keep my job without the worries of loosing everything. I know I could loose my life or hurt others, but as days go by the worries slip away and I say "ahh I'll be alright". I need advice, understanding and support. All I'm met with is anger like I do something evil or wrong and I'm inadequate My wife's other motive is to give up everything, leave NY and move South. I know I said alot, but thank you for reading if you do or comment. LOST

Hi! This group isn't super active, so I would suggest posting to more than one group, you do that by posting as normal and then holding down the ctrl key and clicking 2 other groups. You are between a rock and a hard place it seems, what sort of job do you do? Can you maintain doing what you do with the fear of a seizure. What is it that your wife really wants and can you make it a reality?

this is painful