Same old same old

I have been falling out with my first therapist, I started a new one, and I relapsed into problematic porn again, with incest crap and others. A recent comment on one of my posts pointed out his conservative behavior, which motivated me to start porn thinking I could rely on it to cure my loneliness. The fact my first therapist deterred me from sex and dating and much of it because of his conservative values angered me enough and gave me enough hope for sexual freedom that I did porn again, thinking I could so as long as I visited more “safe” websites. I was wrong, it is my fault, not anyone else’s. On the other hand, my therapist misunderstood a few things: a) I needed a way to not be lonely, like everyone else and b) I thought the idea of porn like what I was doing could be avoided; all he said essentially was that if I found “bad” porn one place I’d find it everywhere and he didn’t “believe in pornography”; the latter comment was despite that my problems had nothing to do with his personal view of pornography. This way, as long as I relapsed into porn, I could be made to feel guilty no matter what the circumstances.
My new therapist is currently more straightforward with contending with this problem of guilt and contending with loneliness.

glad you have found a second therapist to work with. Hopefully this one will help you more. The loneliness and guilt/Shame, i believe those are two big contributors to the addiction. I know they played a big part in my life

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Hello @NewBask4

We are sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time. It’s great that you’ve found a new therapist and are seeking help. Remember, progress can be non-linear, and setbacks are part of the process. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your feelings. Open communication with your new therapist about your past experiences will be crucial. Focus on healthy coping mechanisms and lean on your support network. Understanding and aligning with your therapist’s values is important for your growth. Seeking help and striving for improvement shows immense strength. Keep moving forward, one step at a time. With love, SG

1 Heart