So I have begun to notice when I follow my meal plan perfectly, I really start to feel lots of emotions. In general I eat healthfully, but always considering if I want to eat more or restrict. When I really plan ahead and just eat what is on the menu with no option of straying...viola! I begin to feel things very acutely.
I have a tendency to want to please people. Even people I don't really know. The sales lady at the clothing shop for example. I don't like this about myself! It is exhausting! And why should I waste my time and energy on someone I don't even know, someone I don't even know if I like! I mean, we are talking I go out of my way to put on an uber happy face just so she will feel comfortable even if I feel like total crap! I know I am not alone and many people do this and it is probably even considered good manners. But the more I move about in the world, I realize that there are LOTS of people who don't bother trying to be nice. And LOTS of people in MY life like that and I am still trying to appease them. Why do I consider so little of myself that I would put acquaintances' well beings above my own?
I have a friend that often jokes, "I hate people." And in all honesty, I am starting to see the beauty of that statement. Many people are stupid and thoughtless and I don't know why I waste any time and energy trying to pretend for them!
Sorry about this rant, to anyone who actually reads and finishes it! This all came about because my father-in-law passed away. Death brings up all kinds of family emotions and emotions in strangers as well. And some of the CRAP that acquaintances will do and say are UNBELIEVABLE! And there we were, putting on a "happy" face listening to their Bull*&^^ when all we wanted to do was be alone with our loved ones and grieve in private!
I'm so sorry about your father-in-law. It's normal to feel lots of emotion right now since you are grieving. I think it is great that you are continuing to do well with your food though. I can relate a lot to feeling like my emotions are way more intense now that I am eating better and it's scary but I remind myself that feeling is the only way to release and heal. I can also relate a lot to the people- pleasing and always worrying about what other people are thinking of me and whether they think I'm a ***** or a freak. I've recently been trying to stand up for myself more, especially with my loud neighbors, because being assertive is vital for recovery. Hang in there!
I have major problems being a people-pleaser, too--and a "mind reader", always thinking I know what other people are thinking (and always assuming it's a negative thought about me!). Two things I've learned to help with that--(1) try to remember that most people are much too self-absorbed to be focusing on you enough of the time to be constantly criticizing, and (2) try to come up with three other possible thoughts a person could be having when you think they're thinking some bad about you. I don't know if that helps, but it sometimes helps me. :-)
This is a great, deep topic. There's a lot here. :)
First, I think there's a big difference between being polite and being a people pleaser. I think it's always important to be polite and kind to others. Empathy for others is very important. And the way in which we treat others is really all about US... What do you want to project into the world? ♥
People pleasing, and I have also fallen into that trap, is never a good thing. It truly is impossible to please everyone. Others' reactions to us is really about THEM... Their interpretations, judgements, and emotional responses are completely beyond our control. I also find it helpful to remember that "what other people think about me is none of my business". :)
While it's true that others are frequently rude and insensitive, I think that TrueImage is right: they are generally so absorbed in their own problems that they aren't thinking about you at all. Again, that's on THEM, not you. :)
Basically, at the heart of every human being, we all crave acceptance and recognition. "Do I matter to you?" We ALL want that. And we're all dealing with something. Sometimes I need to remind myself of these facts when I find myself feeling victimized by store clerks, etc. ;0) Life is hard. We don't have to walk through it alone. ♥
I agree that most people are most likely thinking about their own issues instead of thinking about you and that if they are looking at you it's not necessarily anything bad. Whenever I see a stranger looking at me my first thought is always that they can tell that I'm a freak and that I have all these problems but lately I've been reminding myself that it's very possible that they are just admiring my clothes since I tend to wear either a cute little dress or a tee shirt with something interesting on it like Saints Superbowl Champions or one of those Life Is Good tees!